All this Coulter talk has made me recollect a conversation I had as a young eighteen year old lad while visiting my family in Derry.... The Town I Loved So Well, a song coincidentally written by the great Phil Coulter.I was at the pub McCourts just off of Ballybogie Road and yer man there (as I learned afterwards he knew my family by my face) came over to introduce himself and have a wee chat.
Here was the conversation...
Yer Man There: Right there mucker, hows the craic wit ye. care for a fag?
Me: (Well I didnt so much say anything as much as I punched him straight shot to the jowls)
Me uncles rushed over and broke up the donnybrook and asked why I knocked the old man out so I explained that he called me a fucking crackhead and wanted to get gay with me.
All punishable offenses in my mind.
They then explained that he was acknowledging me as a friend, asked me how things were, and would I care for one of his cigarettes.
...and that I should probably buy him a pint right quick before he got up and hit me with his home-made Blackthorn walking stick.
I did.
but too slow, so...
He did.
...and ended up making me one of his famous Blackthorn walking sticks that I keep in my golf bag to this day (its my fer fucks sake wedge) .
EE-Aw!
...and ended up making me one of his famous Blackthorn walking sticks that I keep in my golf bag to this day (its my fer fucks sake wedge) .
EE-Aw!
16 comments:
Golf, Donk?
Ever take lessons with a performance simulator? I'm terrible. Dangerously terrible. But I do it anyway because its hilarious.
On the upside, I have a cute new bag.
I've always heard Europeans use "fag" for cigarettes. Never thought much of it really. I do recall them costing alot of money in Europe.
Lessons? I dont need no stinkin lessons. My game is 100% pure raw god given talent. You cant teach a 20 handicap, that shit comes natural.
Performance simulator? I dont need no stinkin Performance simulator. Wait a sec, are bloody marys considered perform sims?
Donkeyhue keep in mind we are talking about performance SIMULATORS not performance stimulators.
Bloody Marys are just the alcoholic's way of getting a vegetable. I dont know of any enhancement properties but thats not really my area. Well except that once at twelve I bought bust builder vitamins to fill out my "Like A Virgin" style junior prom dress.
I had to go with padded push ups. Damn marketing frauds.
Speaking Of Golfing With Sims
Donkeyhue do you drive your own cart or are you a caddy-wuss?
Hey Rhino did you ever hear of Bretton Woods out in Suffolk? I heard it was built on top of a landfill.Wonder if its still there or more condos are on it now.
Is it in Port Jefferson? It sounds familiar.
Caddy-wuss, not to be confused with Carvel's delicious frozen treat...the Cookie Puss.
Cookie Puss!
I have not thought about Cookie Puss in so many years. Like Kathy Lee Crosby. Just forgot she ever existed.
Wasnt there a Fudgy the Whale?
I feel like I am channeling Anita today.
Now I just need an obscure Salon link to Fudgy being eaten by Carol from "The Magic Garden"...
kathy lee crosby sounds so familiar but i can't think of what she looks like. Was she the one that did the story box?
No she was on "Thats Incredible" I think and "Circus Of The Stars".
Wait- or was it "Ripley's Believe It Or Not"? Maybe all of them.
Carol and Paula did the story box. With Sherlock, the squirrel thing.
Your parents didnt use them to explain lesbians? Like Bert and Ernie?
bert and ernie were lesbians? That's just crazy talk!
No wonder I didn't know about Suze Orman. Damned PBS childhood. I mixed it all up. Next you'll tell me that I missed the point about Mr McFeely on Mr. Rogers.
Who are you... Jerry Falwell?
But if youre correct that the magic garden chicks were indeed chuckle patch munchers then that might explain my propensity for threesomes.
You have a propensity for threesomes?
Just how many times constitutes a propensity?
donkeyhue, i find it very, VERY hard to believe, given your erin-go-braless pedigree (hangin' with mookie and his tribe and all) that it took a trip to the old country to discover that a 'fag' was a cigarette. i personally think you are pulling one over on all of us, your wee fans, here.
oh, ok. so you so you embellish a bit. or maybe it's just plain old literary license.
anyway, you're forgiven. peace be with you my son (but don't go to bed tonight until you've said 14 hail mary's and 37.5 our fathers).
oh, and maybe it's just my smutty mind running on over-drive this evening, but something just ain't right about that walking stick graphic. it looks like a flogger or ... or ... well, never mind.
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