Another one of my favorite poli-hacks is Laura Ingraham. Her talk radio show can be heard in the NY metro area on WABC between 8 - 10 pm (or streaming audio online here) Shes one tough broad, very funny and very smart. She recently took David Gregory (and the majors) to task for being whiny liberal nancyboys. Click on the pic to watch the vid.It reminded me of the time a few years back when the Rhino and I went to a fundraising live broadcast of her radio show. As I recall Darrell Hammond from SNL was a guest and he was hilarious doing Bush impersonations. Anyways this broad Laura was throwing me some serious fuck me eyes the entire show, and I knew that all I had to do was throw some vocals at her and she was done. I enrolled the Rhino into my plan to use the good cop/bad cop approach or more accurately the zamboni driver/cartographer scheme. So after the show during the book signing all is going according to plan and Rhino hits her with the zamboni opener and all thats left is for me to do is come in with dreaded cartographer close and as our esteemed colleague Warlike would say...it was curtains. What happens next remains to this day a mystery to me. Rhino lost his nerve and was unusually PUSILLANIMOUS. When confronted with the expected buy sign..."zamboni driver? really?" He folds like a frickin Chinese launderer, and the gig is up and all Im left with is a signed book saying:
Donkey,
I woulda banged ya,
but your friend
is a zamboni fraud
Love,
Laura
11 comments:
ummm yeah, that's a nice little story, but if you're going to be doing some fiction writing you should let people know.
First, a little background. When donkey refers to zamboni and cartographer, these are professions that i use to grab a womans interest.
So when Laura was signing my book, and giving me the goo goo eyes, she asked what i do for a living. I replied "i drive the zamboni at msg." She was caught off guard, and very interested.
Then the donkey went all cartman on me and tried to push in with the unsolicited "i'm a cartographer" line. (by the way he got it from me)
So needless to say i could have bagged her but her friend (who was cute by the way) got scared of cartmanhue and that just about blew up the spot.
Also, i didn't want to wait all night and there was about 200 people waiting to get their book signed so we just broke out.
I will give credit where its due, but I mastered the art of map making and took it to a whole new level. The rest is a load of horseshit and...
YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORITIE
"Shut Up And Sing" was the name of the book and its a recommended read.
Well, i switched to the zamboni because i got busted on the cartography thing. A very pretty young lady on the subway was much too knowledgeable about map making and she totally busted me. I tried to tell her that i just don't like to tell people i'm a race car driver, but she wouldn't go for it and when i asked for her number she said "no way you're a fuckin liar" and then the doors opened as people started laughing at me.
good times
good times
Why don't you talk about what you really do? Either you think what you do sucks and refuse to do anything about it, or you are satisfied but figure its better to be a liar. Either way, it doesn't seem very logical.
So you start with the "I can lie because I won't talk to you again anyway" approach before you even know a female. What happens if you like her? Then you have to admit that you lied all along?
No, its still not logical. Face it, if a woman is willing to just be with you for the hour or so- she doesn't need to care if you are a zamboni driver or a dogshit salesperson.
Uh oh the feminazi personality is coming out to play. Relax Sybil its a goof. The point is to amuse not deceive. Rhino on the other hand does think hes a race car driver and a viking when he sleeps. The kid aint right in the head I tell ya
How the hell did you ever guess what I did for a living, I do indeed sell dogshit. I also eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
Hour or so? You flatter me.
It's just fun lily, and it's a good ice breaker. Typically, this is how it goes:
girl: so what do you do
Rhino: I drive the Zamboni at MSG
girl: really? thats so cool!
Rhino: No not really, but i am very handsome
girl: Wow you are very hansome, wanna go to your place?
Oh well maybe not that last line, except with hookers who tell everyone they're handsome, even donkey.
Donkeyhue,
Just to clarify- did you call me a piece of shit? And when have I been inconsistent with this matter? I think it only matters what a man does for a living if you're splitting bills, handing him bills, or in court asking for alimony.
My point is that it is only relevant in the long term scenario. I'm not saying I never lied. Not to impress, but just because of boredom.
Plus- MSG only impresses the Rangers fans. This plan could easily backfire were you to run into a long island lemming, islander sheep.
Relax its just a line from Happy Gilmore. The more important question to ask is "Do I really eat shit for breakfast?" Tune in tommorrow.
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