Dennis Miller: And now here with a commentary is Grumpy Old Man! Welcome, Grumpy! [applause for Grumpy Old Man, an elderly, bespectacled, gray-haired man in a sweater]Grumpy Old Man: I'm oooooold! And I'm not happy! And I don't like things now compared to the way they used to be. All this progress -- phooey! In my day, we didn't have these cash machines that would give you money when you needed it. There was only one bank in each state -- it was open only one hour a year. And you'd get in line, seventeen miles long, and the line became an angry mob of people -- fornicators and thieves, mutant children and circus freaks -- and you waited for years and by the time you got to the teller, you were senile and arthritic and you couldn't remember your own name. You were born, got in line, and ya died! And that's the way it was and we liked it!
Life was simpler then. There wasn't all this concern about hy-giene! It my days, we didn't have Kleenex. When you turned seventeen, you were given the family handkerchief. ... It hadn't been washed in generations and it stood on its own ... filled with diseases and swarmin' with flies. ... If you tried to blow your nose, you'd get an infection and your head would swell up and turn green and children would burst into tears at the sight o' ya! And that's the way it was and we liked it!
Life was a carnival! We entertained ourselves! We didn't need moooovin' pitchurrrres. In my day, there was only one show in town -- it was called "Stare at the sun!" ... That's right! You'd sit in the middle of an open field and stare up at the sun till your eyeballs burst into flames! And you thought, "Oh, no! Maybe I shouldn't've stared directly into the burning sun with my eyes wide open." But it was too late! Your head was on fire and people were roastin' chickens over it. ... And that's the way it was and we liked it!
Progress?! Flobble-de-flee! In my day, when we were angry and frustrated, we just said, "Flobble-de-flee!" 'cause we were idiots and we didn't know what else to say! Just a bunch o' illiterate Cro-Magnons, blowin' on crusty handkerchiefs, waitin' in lines for our head to burst into flame and that's the way it was and we liked it!
Dennis Miller: Grumpy Old Man! Thank you, Grumpy! [applause, Dennis tries to shake Grumpy Old Man's hand but Grumpy Old Man is too ornery to shake anybody's hand, dadgummit]
Grumpy Old Man: Flobble-de-flee! [exits]
Headsup to the Fly for reminding me of this classic SNL character --donk.
14 comments:
Good stuff...He used to do one about condoms. It hink it went something like this:
In my day we didn't have no fancy con-dums. No, we had an old rabbits foot and we all shared it. It was crusty and didn't really work but that's how it was and we liked it!
In my day we didn't have hair dryers. If you wanted to blow dry your hair you stood outside during a hurricane. Your hair was dry but you had a sharp piece of wood driven clear through your skull and that's the way it was and you liked it! You loved it. Whoopee, I'm a human head-kabob
I just laughed like Larry there...
I wasn't a big Church lady guy but Dana was and is funny. I always liked Hans & Frans, Wayne's World, and of course his Bush was excellent.
"Hurrican Hugo...not ma' fault."
"Invade Iraq? It wouldn't be prudent."
I think Lovitz was pretty great too but I can only really remember one of his characters right now.
"Hi I'm Frenchy. I love everyone, except the Jews."
Ross Perot: Two years ago, and I have not revealed this until now for reasons I will not go into, two years ago in the middle of the night at my house in Dallas, I was awakened by a disturbance outside on my lawn so I went outside and engaged in hand to hand combat with four men and a small dog. I took the four men out and was about to tie up the dog when it looked up at me and said, "aren't you Ross Perot?" Now I nearly dropped a load, that dog spoke perfect English now listen carefully, now who is the world leader in talking dogs? It's the Republican party. I rest my case.
the satire of the 1988 presidential debate with lovitz and carvey remains one of my favorites:
"i am the child of greek immigrants."
"i can't believe i'm losing to this guy."
hilarious.
i also loved carvey doing bush and perot at the same time in the 1992 debate satire.
but as far as the *top* SNL cast members over the years, i'm not sure carvey cracks the top 5, who are (in no particular order) eddie murphy, chevy chase, john belushi, gilda radner, and dan aykroyd. carvey, lovitz, guest, ferrell, and myers deserve honorable mention.
Everybody always leaves out Piscapo, which to me smacks of anti-jerseyism.
Carvey gets the nod in my book, strictly on the fact that for a few years he WAS SNL.
Youre kidding about Radner right?
Top 5 (in no order as well)
Hartman
Carvey
Ferrell
Piscapo
Murphy
hon. mention: Alec Baldwin
Hartman is tops...good call Donkey.
But my list from Hartman down goes like this -
2.)Ferrell
3.)Myers (strictly because of the Everything Scottish skits)
4.)Murray
5.)Martin
I should have probably combined Murphy with Piscapo, cuz although he was great, he was at his best with Joe.
I meant no slight of Myers, but with points deducted for that German dude he just barely misses the cut.
....and seriously Im vexed, terribly vexed, about this whole Donsky Radner affair. I mean come on, shes not even top three women fer fooks sake.
are you kidding? have you ever seen her patti smith impersonation? it might just be the best 3 minutes from the 1979 season.
not to mention emily litella, rosanne rosannadanna, the one night stand perfume commercial, her child characters...
there has never been a female cast member that compares to her.
or how about the "society against the defamation of stupid people" sketch with gilda and candice bergen? one of the best of all time:
"i'm so thirsty, i could drink a horse."
"here, have some milk."
[radner pours milk into her purse.]
"gee, this milk isn't very good. i'm still thirsty."
granted, the sketch inspired the horrendously amateur habit of the players breaking character in recent years, but it's still one of the best.
and i can't believe i forgot hartman. though i think his best work was on the simpsons.
Hartmans best work was on News Radio. End of discussion.
check it--this is the extreme stupidity sketch from 1976. host is candice bergen, musical guest none other than aurora favorite and donsky idol FZ.
Gilda Radner was very funny
Im not saying the bitch werent funny, Im just saying that she werent the funniest.
Shes a poor mans Molly Shannon; and the Courtney Love of Comedy, riding Wilder's coattails,if you will.
Regarding SNL and FZ, Pardo's participation on Slime... Brilliant!
Ok now Im just causing trouble.
It should be noted in consideration of full disclosure that I was/am a Gilda big fan and obvious to the observant reader that I regularly use one of her catchphrases in my posts.
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