Oprahysteria ©

I was reading an article about Oprah's donation and foundation of an all-girls school in South Africa. It smacked of sour grapes. The gist of it was that Oprah should spend her money in this country or better yet in her home city of Chicago... where the schools are notoriously abysmal in the south ward. While that makes sense and Im in agreement...lets be real, its a crock of shit.

Theres an old saying "count your money, not mine" and definitely not Oprahs or youd be awhile. She earned it, its her money, and if she wants blow it on the ponies whiskey and strippers...so be it. Hell thats what Id do, hell that is what I do.

But as some of our long term parking Aurorans know, the only thing I trust less than the iPod is Oprah Winfrey. I think she is up to no good while she does good...if that makes sense, in other words its all just a clever ruse setting up her master plan, and it got me thinking of a post I wrote last year.

"There is no doubt Oprah Winfrey's story may very well be the greatest American success story in our history. If you dont know it, you should learn it. Im not going to rehash her bio here, but suffice it to say unlike other "self made" billionaires, she was not born with the proverbial silver spoon in her mouth. Her achievements should be commended, and her successes not begrudged. I cant ever recall watching her show, and even I kind of like her. She is The American Dream.

HOWEVER......something aint right here.

Many men before her have tried to conquer the world, all have failed. I fear her attempts will not be as unsuccessful. In every game of global domination the wars were fought by men. Put two men that are enemies in an arena, and they will fight to the death, but what happens if he cannot see his enemy. Suppose he sees his foe everyday and mistakes them for friend, how then could he fight such a threat. The will of man is strong but not without weakness. Women are the Achilles heel to men, and Oprah perhaps understands this better than anyone ever has. I've never been much of a conspiracy theorist but lets suppose Oprah has a much grander scheme than ratings, and much more diabolical plan for selling books. This may a bit too Manchurian Candidate in regards to subconscious brain-washing, but to rule the World, all she has to do is rule the U.S.A. Suppose half the population was secretly waging war on the other half without anyone being the wiser. An army of women could take over this country without breaking a nail, all Oprah has to do is declare a National "Have Sex With A Man" Day, and when we are all asleep five minutes later she instructs them to slit our throats. Within hours she would control the military and launch a full scale tactical nuclear assault on the rest of the world. Mission accomplished, welcome to Planet Oprah."

But maybe just maybe when Tom Cruise jumped on her couch it triggered some primal area deep inside her female viewers psyche and when they awoke to the fact that a dude they dug was a bonafide fruitcake it rendered all prior brain washing efforts null and void.

So it was back to the drawing board for good ol' Oprah.

Plan B...

The Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls. Forty millions is alot of money for school supplies. Too much in my opinion. I cant help but think Oprah is building some sort of Academy X to develop and train an army of Double Oprah Seven Fembot Secret Assassin Agents. A legion of Oprah clones, or mini-O's will be an unstoppable juggernaut that will run roughshod over the world Golden Horde style.

Then again..maybe Im paranoid, or maybe its just the Irish whiskey catching up to me, but Im telling ya...I just dont trust that woman.