How Deep The Oprah Hole Goes

On December 28, 2005 I wrote:

"An army of women could take over this country without breaking a nail, all Oprah has to do is declare a National "Have Sex With A Man" Day, and when we are all asleep five minutes later she instructs them to slit our throats. Within hours she would control the military and launch a full scale nuclear assault on the rest of the world. Mission accomplished, welcome to Planet Oprah."

On January 11, 2006 I wrote:

"Maybe I was wrong about Oprah's plan for world domination. It is becoming clearer to me daily, that perhaps Steve did not take as kindly to Billy "The Kid.1" Gates thievery of AppleWorks to create Windows as he has let on. I now believe the failure of the original Macintosh led Mr Jobs into a downward spiral whose descent can only parallel Lucifer's (coincidentally(?) whose mother's name was Aurora) fall from heaven. A man with a crumbling empire is a dangerous entity, however let that man rebuild his empire to levels undreamed of before and he becomes a threat to the balance of the known Universe. Enter stage left the iPod."

On May 23, 2006 I wrote:

"Once again I will risk my own personal safety and well being to expose the devil that walks amongst us. I have seen the great evil and thy name be iPod.The propephcy as told by the donkey is beginning to unfold and I fear the end is nigh."

On January 5, 2007 I wrote:

"But as some of our long term parking Aurorans know, the only thing I trust less than the iPod is Oprah Winfrey. I think she is up to no good while she does good...if that makes sense, in other words its all just a clever ruse setting up her master plan."

The reason I rehash this now will become clear in a few paragraphs....

I was watching Tucker Carlson last night, and as I usually do, googled his guests that I did not know. Enter Roxanne Roberts author of The Reliable Source political gossip column for the Washington Post, or as TC referred to it as "Page Six for smart people".

Well, although I read the NY Post, I do so Chinese style (I thinks its gots the best sports coverage in town)... I dont read Page Six and as everybody knows Im half a retard but I flipped through The Reliable Source anyways to check out the going ons of DC. It seems that Gilbert Arenas just had a helluva birthday party --- and thats about it. Rather unimpressive site and even less newsworthy stories.

but something caught my eye in the side bar......

It's Not All About the iPods, Oprah
By Eugene Robinson
Tuesday, January 9, 2007; Page A15

story
......

Whats the? Someone else is making the evil incarnate correlation between Oprah Winfrey and the iPod you say. A coincidence it must be, and at first I figured it was just a simple case of a "real" journalist subscribing to The Aurora and being subconsciously influenced by the work being done by our crack investigative reporting team and conveying the same sentiment a few short days later, as was the case regarding former Speaker Newt Gingrich's comparison of the Iraq War to The Glorious Cause on 11/28/06.

but then I gots to reading...

Apparently the WaPo article on the Ninth was in response to an interview Ms. Oprah Winfrey herself gave to Newsweek on the Eighth (in response to a post I wrote on the Fif???) and a certain quote rebutting those questioning her intentions with the South African School donation in particular...

"I became so frustrated with visiting inner-city schools that I just stopped going. The sense that you need to learn just isn't there," she said. "If you ask the kids what they want or need, they will say an iPod or some sneakers. In South Africa, they don't ask for money or toys. They ask for uniforms so they can go to school."

and...

"The girls had "long, braided hair extensions flowing down their backs" and were wearing baseball caps. In general, the kids "could talk about what they owned -- the latest portable PlayStations, iPods, and sneakers -- but they couldn't speak of what they'd done."

I would almost be flattered by that fact that Oprah is obviously a reader and that "The Aurora The Novel" is sure to become a bestseller, not to mention the fact that she gives validation to my Reynolds Hat Theory by using the iPod to express her disgust at the evils (or is it?) of over-consumptionism (and thats coming from a supply-sider) and the failing liberal educational sytem in American society. Almost.

But then I saw this......

So in typical celebrighteous indignant hypocrisy she slams the iPod with one hand as she sells them with the other. Pretty sneaky sis. Darn right deceptive if you have to know the truth. I know another fellow that is pretty good at that game, in fact thats one of the names he goes by..."The Deceiver of Humanity". Who could it be now? I dont know, could it be......


......SATAN!

Et tu, Bono?

Now I dont exactly know how or where the celtic crooner fits into all of this (not yet), but its apparent that my "either/or" theory regarding the anti-christ was misguided. Its not a one or the other situation but rather as prophecized by the Book of Genesis that the devil will indeed tempt man with the forbidden fruit.

Or as foretold by Nostradonkus... Oprah will somehow harness the power of Apple's iPod and rule the world, and it seems shes on to me.

So in other words --- Im fucked, the irish jig is up, consider the donkey's ass to be kentucky jamesfreyed. Forget I said anything.

....Stay tuned for next weeks episode as Donkey tackles the America Medical Association and refutes their claim that Lysergic Acid Diethylamide has damaging long term psychotic side effects.

EE-Aw!!!