I hate hippies. Always have. There was a time in my youth that you may have even mistaken me for one, being the long haired dope smoking hilljack that I was, not to mention that Jon Fishman's father was my dentist so I was known to check out Phish shows at various bars throughout the Northeast as well as having a few dozen or so Grateful Dead shows under my belt.
You would have been wrong.
I remember the first "debate" that I had with a hippie-be like it was yesterday, although in their mind they were still in Haight Asbury twenty years past. Ok I get it the 60's were great, I saw the movie read the book...time to move on.
As I was saying....
Im at a party in the middle of the woods that some friends and I had cleared during our spare time thanks to the local police departments non-voluntary community service program. I think it was the Erie Canal Re-Beautification Project (big ups to the old ladies that made us sandwiches) but left unsupervised and finishing the work early each day, we just built a bunch of hidden snowmobile trails and party spots.
The beer balls were tapped the music was blasting smoke was rising and I dont mind saying so --- the chicks were digging me.
As I was often known to be at the time, I was in possession of some of the finest eco-friendly green products around, and as I have always been a generous man I was even more well known to share with any and all.
Well the pipe circled around until it hit a patchoulic patch of tie-dyed in wool free-loading hippies. They were aghast at my choice of pipeage which admittedly was some type of monstrosity and wanted to know what it was. Like any self respecting hilljack, I explained that I had carved my piece out of a deer's antler (drumroll please....and it only cost me a buck badump bump.)
They then immediately proceeded to call me a bambi killing redneck.
I calmly pointed out the hypocrisy of the animal products on their person, namely leather sandals and belts, and at least I was man enough to take matters into my own hands and not sub-contract my dirty work out to some third world country sweat shop, not to mention that they were partying in relative backwoods comfort and safety from pd harassment thanks to my hard work and that they were free to leave.
They didnt.
So I kicked the shit out of them.
As I have grown older and more mature I now use lyrical swords in the stead of my infamous ham hock hammers, but hippie hypocrisy remains to this day and as long as it does....I will be here to continue the fight.
GOD BLESS THE U S of A
...and death to hippies
12 comments:
are you wearing corduroys? that's awesome. i haven't worn those things since junior high.
I'm going to look for some this weekend.
Never trust a hippie.
Or, you could just decide that assholes are assholes and leave the stupid label shit to an aisle at Staples.
I think your obsession with hippie hypocrisy has a real Rush like feel. Not that I've felt Rush. Or you for that matter. We'll postpone that comparison or add it to your message board.
I should compare you to Vietnam and watch you claw your panties. Better!! I would pay so much frikkin money for the ability to play John kerry saying Gengis Khan in your ear over and over.
Like that scene in "Say Anything". With the box radio playing "Your Eyes". Only it would be your favorite sound clip of all time. jengis...jengis...
Anyone who can be summarized by a word is not really worth the time, in my view.Onions have layers.
Take Rhino. Sure, he's a conservative ass. But he also likes some music I like, and he's funny. So I would focus on the good and let him deal with his ilk's inconsistencies. I could point them out, but why?
Thats a stupid assed hobby if I ever heard one.
Good story though!
you forgot to mention that i'm very handsome, and you and i both know i'm a phenomenal dancer!
Speaking of which, Happy 800th Birthday Timujin "Chinngis Dont Call Me Jengis" Khan. Theres an interesting story on Mongolia in Dec 19th's Economist.
Im going to base a post on it sometime soon so dont touch that dial.
...and how many times do I have to tell you that chicks dig me because I rarely wear underwear and when I do its something unusual.
first karaoke, now corduroys... donkey's not getting in touch with his feminine side, boys and girls, he's becoming...
A HIPSTER!
so when are you moving to williamsburg?
Hipster? Im trying but I keep failing the sushi part of the exam for setting it on fire.
Thats the problem with dressing the exact same way for the past twenty years...eventually something comes in style. What killed me most was when Carhartt and Timberland, the official upstate NY hilljack uniform were commandeered by gangsta rap.
To make matters worse I was working and living in Newark at the time so I looked like a real jackass. One week I was a redneck, the next week Im the white guy from NWA.
...and dont get me started on what grunge did to flannel...it wasnt right I tell ya.
pre-grunge, i used to dig guys who wore flannel shirts ...
after that, no so much.
Whats up Sac...
Long time no see. Hows civilian life treating ya?
Hey Donkey something crazy happened because at that exact same time, I noticed the upstate hillbillies suddenly trying to dress like rappers. My hick cousin toward Syracuse had those giant doorknocker earrings, so wannabe ghetto. They started wearing pants falling off their asses. What the hell was that about? Always two years or more behind the rest of the world.
Like rap is flourishing in Old Forge or something.
I still wear my Timberlands, but then again I'm on a mountain top most of the week. Hick is unavoidable.
Well I never really understood them big city folk, but if I had to explain it I would have to say it all started with BBD's Do Me video when they were rocking 'Cuse gear.
It never really affected me as we had laws against that sort of stuff in the Finger Lakes.
that buckle (and the 'fancy' corduroy pants), somehow remind me of the village people and that song..."macho, macho man"...I'm impressed with how open-minded you really are about your sexuality.
rock on!
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