Friday, October 14, 2005

Speaking Of Umbrellas

I think this country is in dire need of legislation requiring some sort of heavy machinery/drivers license to operate an umbrella. Anyone over 6'5 would be exempt. Ive yet to speak to my Zogby connections regarding this matter but going out on a limb I would dare say that more people have suffered injuries due to reckless umbrella usage than by drunken stevedores. All Im saying is that if you cant decipher the discrepency in height between you, your umbrella, and oncoming pedestrial traffic and are optically unable to notice that the metal spikes on your rain deflection equipment are perfectly lined up to someones eyes you should lose your right to use an umbrella forever and be forced to wear a bright yellow rain hat...and heck, matching galoshes to boot ...to further your shame. Shame on you umbrella slackers!

6 comments:

Jimbo said...

Umbrella injuries? That must be a yankee thing. Down south, there are no injuries due to umbrellas.

Injuries down south have to do with being run over by gigantic pick-up trucks and the like.

Anonymous said...

Yankee thing? I would kindly ask you to refrain from such hateful terminology. If you havent noticed we are all Mets fans on here and dont appreciate being denigrated with your name calling. As far as the umbrella rant it probaly has more to do with the fact that I am 5'11 & 1/2 work in Times Square and am assaulted by thousands of them when it rains...after a week I guess I just snapped. Or maybe Im just a big govt wolf in conservative sheeps clothing.

Jimbo said...

Did I miss something? A NY Mets' fan isn't a yankee?

Where I come from, a yankee is anyone north of 50 degrees N. latitude.

How about that Carlos Beltran? Man, he sure was great this year!

(giggling)

Mookie McFly said...

It may not be good to be a Yankee down South but who has ever heard of a 'Reb in King Arthur's Court where it is very good to be a Yank...Think about that for a bit.

As for our center fielder, I'll say this about him...He sure showed outfielders all over that they should give room when he's going after a fly ball...Gary (stick him in leftfield) Sheffield & Hubba Bubba Crosby for one could learn something from him. Wait and watch, he will be the best player in the league next year.

Jimbo said...

I really, really doubt he will in top 15 best players list.

Yes, he has a lot of tools but basically what he is an Andrew Jones-type. Nothing wrong with that, but those are NOT the elite type in baseball.

Guys who walk a lot are/always- will-be the KINGS.

Mookie McFly said...

Andruw Jones just hit 50 home runs this past year on a bad hatting team...I bet he wins the MVP if Pujols doesn't...If Beltran is that type of player than he is one of the best...By the way the Cards are starting to look an awful lot like the Braves. They choke every year.