The Savior

It's so good i had to read it 3 times and i'm sure i still missed some things. This guy not only captures the attitude of the Obama campaign, but the stance of the U.S. media who are completely on board with the anointment of the boy king.

July 25, 2008

He ventured forth to bring light to the world
The anointed one's pilgrimage to the Holy Land is a miracle in action - and a blessing to all his faithful followers

By Gerard Baker

And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.
The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow.

When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they heard and said among themselves: “Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?”

In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving Hillary, wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of Working Class Whites.
And so it was, in the fullness of time, before the harvest month of the appointed year, the Child ventured forth - for the first time - to bring the light unto all the world.

He travelled fleet of foot and light of camel, with a small retinue that consisted only of his loyal disciples from the tribe of the Media. He ventured first to the land of the Hindu Kush, where the
Taleban had harboured the viper of al-Qaeda in their bosom, raining terror on all the world.
And the Child spake and the tribes of Nato immediately loosed the Caveats that had previously bound them. And in the great battle that ensued the forces of the light were triumphant. For as long as the Child stood with his arms raised aloft, the enemy suffered great blows and the threat of terror was no more.
From there he went forth to Mesopotamia where he was received by the great ruler al-Maliki, and al-Maliki spake unto him and blessed his Sixteen Month Troop Withdrawal Plan even as the imperial warrior Petraeus tried to destroy it.
And lo, in Mesopotamia, a miracle occurred. Even though the Great Surge of Armour that the evil Bush had ordered had been a terrible mistake, a waste of vital military resources and doomed to end in disaster, the Child's very presence suddenly brought forth a great victory for the forces of the light.
And the Persians, who saw all this and were greatly fearful, longed to speak with the Child and saw that the Child was the bringer of peace. At the mention of his name they quickly laid aside their intrigues and beat their uranium swords into civil nuclear energy ploughshares.
From there the Child went up to the city of Jerusalem, and entered through the gate seated on an ass. The crowds of network anchors who had followed him from afar cheered “Hosanna” and waved great palm fronds and strewed them at his feet.
In Jerusalem and in surrounding Palestine, the Child spake to the Hebrews and the Arabs, as the Scripture had foretold. And in an instant, the lion lay down with the lamb, and the Israelites and Ishmaelites ended their long enmity and lived for ever after in peace.
As word spread throughout the land about the Child's wondrous works, peoples from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids; Obamacons and McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites.
And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the news of the Child's journey. Around the world, global temperatures began to decline, and the ocean levels fell and the great warming was over.
The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was the anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the one generations had been waiting for.
And there were other wonderful signs. In the city of the Street at the Wall, spreads on interbank interest rates dropped like manna from Heaven and rates on credit default swaps fell to the ground as dead birds from the almond tree, and the people who had lived in foreclosure were able to borrow again.
Black gold gushed from the ground at prices well below $140 per barrel. In hospitals across the land the sick were cured even though they were uninsured. And all because the Child had pronounced it.
And this is the testimony of one who speaks the truth and bears witness to the truth so that you might believe. And he knows it is the truth for he saw it all on CNN and the BBC and in the pages of The New York Times.
Then the Child ventured forth from Israel and Palestine and stepped onto the shores of the Old Continent. In the land of Queen Angela of Merkel, vast multitudes gathered to hear his voice, and he preached to them at length.
But when he had finished speaking his disciples told him the crowd was hungry, for they had had nothing to eat all the hours they had waited for him.
And so the Child told his disciples to fetch some food but all they had was five loaves and a couple of frankfurters. So he took the bread and the frankfurters and blessed them and told his disciples to feed the multitudes. And when all had eaten their fill, the scraps filled twelve baskets.
Thence he travelled west to Mount Sarkozy. Even the beauteous Princess Carla of the tribe of the Bruni was struck by awe and she was great in love with the Child, but he was tempted not.
On the Seventh Day he walked across the Channel of the Angles to the ancient land of the hooligans. There he was welcomed with open arms by the once great prophet Blair and his successor, Gordon the Leper, and his successor, David the Golden One.
And suddenly, with the men appeared the archangel Gabriel and the whole host of the heavenly choir, ranks of cherubim and seraphim, all praising God and singing: “Yes, We Can.”

There's No Proof!

Kind of like the THEORY of evolution.

Is the earth warming? Yeah it seems to be for now. Is man the cause? Well it's a theory, but there's no proof. In fact, it seems that there's more proof that man is NOT the cause than the other way around.

As the Aurora has pointed out on numerous occassions, there are over 30 thousand U.S. scientists who have signed a petition telling us that man is NOT the cause, and yet algore says we have only 10 years left before the world comes to an end ? Or, we can buy carbon credits from his carbon credit company. Hmmm....

Well i'm sure mr. algore is just looking out for us and all, but instead of sending my $ to algore i think i'll just go with the 30,000+ U.S. scientists and the Australian guy who says algore is full of shit.

Fairness Doctrine?

I haven't heard much about the proposed "fairness doctrine" lately.

Maybe that's because the media coverage of the two candidates is so out of line. This weekend on Fox news sunday even the liberal panel member (some chick from NPR but i don't remember her name) was saying that it was really unfair how much more coverage Obama was getting. Juan Williams (another lib but a fair one) agreed.

All of the MSM network anchors are currently traveling with Obama on his European and Middle Eastern tour. (unprecedented)

Since Obama became the presumptive nominee he's been the major part of over 75% of the news stories surveyed by The Project for Excellence in Journalism.

Finally, the headline that doesn't surprise me in the least but disgusts me none the less.

NYT REJECTS MCCAIN'S EDITORIAL; SHOULD 'MIRROR' OBAMA

Not A Horrible Idea

Trains and Automobiles The Sequel

Id like to start off this post by declaring that "Im not one of those conspiracy guys" to stave of in advance any accusations of being a roswell reject aluminum foil asshat.... but I cant.

Because I am.

Now Im not talking about little green men running roughshod over New Mexico or The Smoking Man's lifelong obsession preventing the Buffalo Bills from winning the Super Bowl....EVER.

But, lets not kid ourselves, men of power look directly into John Q. Public's eyes and bold faced lie to him every single day, what makes you think that would be the worst of their transgressions of treachery.

To put it into real terms, if you catch your woman lying about going to see Sex and The City. Its not because she went to see Ironman instead, she is fucking someone else. Big crimes are best hidden behind small lies.

Or to put it into historical perspective, lets take a look at two of our country's most beloved (by some) Presidents.

FDR made a career out of lying about being a cripple. Is it any shock that he would so easily deceive the nation about being in bed with Joseph Stalin and allowing his administration to be infiltrated by communist agents at the highest level.

JFK was a drug addicted election stealing whoremongerer. So authorizing the state sponsored assassination of a foreign (and I should note Catholic) leader to curry favor with the protestant powers in this country and prove he was not beholden to the Vatican should come as no surprise.

With that in mind allow me to put one and one out there and let you connect the dots.

Obama's Plane Scare

"This was not Obama's regular campaign plane, which is being overhauled. It was a loaner, having previously been used by Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY." source

So, if I were Obama, Id make like Neal Page, Del Griffith, Raymond Babbitt, Woodrow Wilson, and Harry Truman and gets to whistlestoppin'. Dont take my word for it? Just ask this guy

That is until the next movie sequel, Throw Obama from the Train that is....

EE-Aw!!

Random Quote

Vizzini: Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?

Westley: Yes.

Vizzini: Morons!

Catch Up With The Bill Of Rights

As our nation readies itself in celebration for The United States of America's birthday party by dusting off the ol' styrofoam cooler, hanging up the seasonal bunting, and stocking up on Lite beer and a variety of meats I am beginning to fear that we are losing focus on the ideals behind the true intent of the Glorious Cause and our Founding Fathers struggle for liberty.

Now don't get the wrong idea, I'm all about the throwaway coolers, cold beer, bloody meat on a fire with bonus points awarded if they're served on Stars and Stripes paper plates. Wearing a flag pin does make you patriotic. It doesn't mean that the pinless are godless commies although there is a good chance that they are, it just means that the person rocking the Old Glory is proud enough of their Country to want to make a public display of it and thats a-ok with me. Its like when I look around the city nowadays with The Mets struggling around 500 and see someone rockin' the Reyes. I know that they're down with the cause through thick and thin.

But..

That's not my problem and I got a pretty big fuckin' problem.

The original men in black (and hats) sailed the ocean blue to avoid persecution and find a new home where they were able to exercise their personal freedoms without molestation. Fast forward to the American Revolution, where many a colonist gave their lives in the fight for independence and the right for self-rule and determination.

Yet...

I find that The Fourth of July is perhaps one of the most intolerant times of the year and it vexes me, Im terribly vexed. I can stand silent no more as my people are mocked ridiculed and persecuted at the time of year more than any other that we need to stand together as One Nation under God.... as Americans.

Ok get to the fookin' point Donkey, what's yer gripe.

Well let me tell ya, by quoting from the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council....

"Don't...Use ketchup on your hot dog after the age of 18. Mustard, relish, onions, cheese and chili are acceptable."

Get the fuck outta here!

Did I wake up in Tehran? Has Sharia Law been imposed? Should I turnoff my music radio while I'm at it?

No way dude, turn it up....it's Freedom Rock!

This is American damnit, and if I want to put ketchup on my hot dog (which I do) then it is my god given right to do so. I don't wanna get all big shot on ya but let me quote a lil something called the Declaration of Independence...

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

So if I want to put tomato based condiments on my hot dog (it makes me happy), then let me do so in peace and keep your opinions and fancy french grey poupon mustard ways to yourself, because when you mock ketchup you mock the U.S.A and that don't fly with this red blooded ketchup lovin' American.

... and don't even get me started on the krauts

EE-Aw!!!

Happy Birthday America and everyone out in Auroraland have a safe 4th of July.

There Can Be Only One

Im always amazed when I see these "lists" rating the top sports movies. In most cases the highest ranked have almost nothing do with sports and in others they seem to be more about being politically correct and in others still, they just flat out sucked.

Take for example, Bull Durham a perennial favorite. That movie had more to do with cross-dressing cuckoldry and Eastern Meditation than it did baseball and yet dollars to donuts its usually in the top three of every list.

Or look at another regualr top ten'er... A League Of Their Own, which although responsible for the classic line "there's no crying in baseball" -- um yeah so I heard -- was a movie, Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972 notwithstanding, of such craptastic proportions that even the career of two-time academy award winner Tom Hank hasnt recovered. If I wanted to watch chicks play softball Id fire up the ol' laserdisc of the 1980 soft-core comic classic Squeeze Play.

Its the same thing with Beer Lists. They always have some Fancy Mountain Creek Ale or Stubborn Purple Mule Stout or some other local micro crap yet you go to a ball game, bachelor party or card game and you will see men drinking Buds, Miller, and Pabst (Sam Adams is the only acceptable micro brew) because these lists aren't written by men, well straight men that is.

The Aurora has accepted the task of putting together the definitive sports movie list of all time. We will start with sub categories with the goal of naming an overall World Champion Sports Movie Of All Time.

To get the ball rolling Ill throw out a couple....

Cycling: American Flyers (despite starring Kevin Costner the sports movie kiss of death, this movie gets the nod on the strength of Rae Dawn Chong's breasts)

Skiing: Better Off Dead (John Cussack's finest hour)

Boxing: The Prizefighter (Don Knotts... 'nuff said)

Bowling: Kingpin (perhaps Bill Murray's greatest performance)

Wrestling: VisionQuest (gave us the classic line to use after kicking someone's ass.... "problem is, you cant hold your mud")

Golf: Happy Gilmore (I know its blasphemy, but more laughs per minute than Caddyshack hate to say)

Football: All The Right Moves (a football movie about football and Leah Thompson's nipple)

Baseball: The Bad News Bears (Kelly Leek rules!)

Some of these might make the final cut and some of them wont, so let the games begin, because like the Highlander.... there can be only one.