If it was BJ Clinton what would you say?

I would say the same thing i'm going to say now. I don't care if you want to get some side action, it's not any of my business...... But......... Not Good......... I don't trust you.......... You're a liar...... You shouldn't be President.............. I will vote for you ONLY if you're the lesser of two evils. (probably will be the case)

STORY

Only the Idiots...

Still believe in algores global warming scare. The non idiots, like algore himself, don't actually believe it but spew the bullshit because they know they can profit from it.
My message to the idiots is simple. It's not too late for you to think for yourself and form your own opinions, stop watching Access Hollywood and thinking that george clooney is some kind of genius! You've got to wake up and stop watching "Channel Zero"!

"latest US satellite figures showing temperatures having fallen since 1998, declining in 2007 to a 1983 level - not to mention the newly revised figures for US surface temperatures showing that the 1930s had four of the 10 warmest years of the past century, with the hottest year of all being not 1998, as was previously claimed, but 1934."

I'm Off The Wall? You're Off The Wall, This Whole Damn Parade Is Off The Wall

Would it be okay for a Jewish temple to showcase the early artistic works of a youthful pre-maniacal Adolf Hitler?

That's not a hypothetical, of course it fucking isn't.

Hitler may have been a real sweetheart and a heckuva finger painter growing up, but -- and its funny how this plays out -- after you incinerate a few million people you lose your LA privileges and become jackassa-non-grata to that community... and rightly so.

Then why the fuck was a marching band playing "Don't Stop Til You Get Enough" during yesterday's Thanksgiving Day Parade?

Forget for a moment the clusterstarfuck that is the California judicial system, the man? admitted that he sleeps with children not his own. Glorifying his career at an event catering to children flies in the face of common sense and basic human decency.

.... and don't give me that bullshit Dave Chappelle excuse about how he made Thriller, because like E.T. that's one of the many pop iconic milestones that I missed, so it don't cut it with me.

Now I'm not gonna get all Hillary on you and blame it on some vast conspiracy from the likes of the gays (which pederasty IS part of their political movement) all I'm gonna say is....

That shit ain't right, and even more so its flat out wrong.

edit: After writing this I got into a small argument at my local bodega. Michael Jackson's 'Santa Clause Is Coming To Town' was playing on the background radio and this black fellow pointed out to no one in particular that he was only twelve years old when he recorded that song.

I mentioned that that was about the same age of his preferred slumber party participants. He rebutted me that he was acquited of all charges. True but then I mentioned that he himself admitted that he likes to sleep with little boys. To which he countered that "yeah but he sure could sing"

Well I cant argue that, but then I informed him that I heard that Jeffrey Dahmer was a great cook and John Wayne Gacy could pantomine with the best of them.

"Who?"

Exactly!

Gotta love the priorities of the uninformed.

Very Noble Of You!

and let me add that i encourage the rest of the "Eco-Warriors" to follow your example.

Cause And Effect

THEN (1998): "Republicans are keeping up the pressure on President Bill Clinton to explain questions about possible links between 1996 Democratic campaign contributions and decisions to share U.S. satellite technology with the Chinese government.

In the weekly GOP radio address Saturday, Rep. Porter Goss, R-Fla., said "the administration needs to provide Americans with direct and full answers to important questions about all of this."

"How did it come about that highly sensitive technical information was given to the Chinese? Why did the president ignore the national security experts who counseled against this deal? What damage has been done to our national security?" Goss asked.

"We know that Chinese officials chose to invest hundreds of thousands of dollars in the 1996 re-election of the Clinton administration. What we don't know is what they expected to gain from that investment," Goss said." 1

We do now and it had nothing to do with a blue dress ....

NOW (2007): "US concerns about China's military buildup have only been heightened by a Chinese anti-satellite test in January that has yet to be explained, the top US military leader said Tuesday.

Admiral Michael Mullen, the new chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, said he raised the test with Chinese leaders when he visited the country in August, as have other senior US officials.

"It speaks to a higher level of concern that many of us in the United States have about what is the strategic intent of the investment, the high tech investment the Chinese government is making with respect to its military capability in the future," Mullen said.

"That test is a great example of creating a question that hasn't been answered yet," he told reporters at the Foreign Press Center here."2

Donkey Clay -- The Great Compromiser

Now mind you that I am an admitted half an idjit and the purpose of this exercise is not to prove otherwise but rather demonstrate how our leadership are full blown morons with half the sense of half witted hummingbirds and how that real problems can be solved with a lil diddy that we here at The Aurora like to call..... common sense.

So here goes my attempt at the Double Lindy, yeah that's right just a double -- only a fool (or genius) like Thornton Mellon would even dare to attempt such a feat like the The Triple -- and kill two birds with one donk.

Problem One: Stage Hands Local One don't want to lose their do nothing jobs.

Problem Two: American children are being endangered by a massive influx of substandard and unsafe toys.

Solution: Give the lay-about union members a train token to the docks and have them inspect the toys, I mean isn't that the goal of every lazy person, to work for the US Government?

Actually strike that, they should all be fired.

Upon further consideration, who better to look after our children than those that already make their living doing so. Teachers? You out of your god damn mind.... they should all be fired too.

I'm talking about the single unwed welfare mother (after extensive psychological evaluation and drug testing of course), and under the guise of daycare we can skirt the child labor laws which always seems to be the excuse as to why they refuse to enter the work place not to mention multiply the Toy Taskforce approximately fourfold to boot.

Here's the deal. We will keep the checks coming and all they have to is show up with their kids to a local designated Free Toys Fun Time Camp five days a week eight to ten hours a day and play.

That's it, just play.

Everybody wins!

Well except the kids choking on Aqua Dots, but besides them... everybody wins.

Donkey Is Not A Thinker, Donkey Is A Driver!!!

The young Puerto Rican girl working at my local Korean Deli whom I buy my morning coffee from has recently taken to calling me honey and sweetie.

Her terms of endearment are usually lost on me as her incessant insistence that I "have a nice day" immediately puts me in a bad mood almost to the degree that the constant carping of store clerks offering to "help me" makes me want to stab someone to death with a spoon.

Seeing that I too am in no short supply of pleasantries, I have decided to take the high road and fight fire with fire at the same time.

They say that the best defense is a good offense, so I have opted to deploy my oft misunderstood but highly successful two pronged Siam-Kamchatka assault with a verbal volley of "what's shakin' baby” in my best Elvisian dialect to start the day.

Anyone familiar with my parlour game prowess knows that in matters of Risk, Chess, and Global Thermonuclear War once I get my hooks in, its all but over and the fat lady ready to sing, or in this case.... laugh.

Throwing me for a loop, she broke out in laughter upon her hearing my morning greeting, and not in the... what is an old grey haired fart like yourself throwing rap at me type of way but rather in a genuine flirtatious and coquettish school girl giggle.

To quote Johnny Bravo, “it must be nice being you, looking at me"

Well played Senora Boricua, well played indeed.

Laughter may in fact be the best medicine as I have been completely disarmed of my morning grumpiness and now reluctantly withstand the dreaded have a nice day salutation.

Then a peculiar thing happened the other day. This past Friday after our now daily what's shaking baby have a nice day honey ritual she informed me that she loved "that" and then proceeded to make a gesture as if she was mixing a can of paint.

Considering that this is a Korean establishment, the thought that I was about to receive hand release wasn't all that unreasonable, so I applied the full court press as to "what" exactly she loved.

Talladega Nights, she replied.

HUH?

What the hell has that got to do with me getting a happy ending to start my day.

Shake and bake, shake and bake.

You Heard It Here First

Well maybe not first, but early. Kudos to the Donkey for exposing the bullying and underhanded tactics of former attorney general and current governor Spitzer. If everyone in NY was a reader of The Aurora (and they should be) there's no way he would have been elected. Now we see that Donkey was spot on with his criticism and hopefully we'll be getting more from him on this matter in the future.

When we last checked on New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, he had got himself into an ethics imbroglio over the matter of trying to destroy a political opponent. His descent has continued--to where a poll this week reports that only 25% of New Yorkers say they'd re-elect him. The other 75% can't say they weren't warned.

Story

Bloggers Of The World Unite

We would like to take this opportunity to announce solidarity with our fellow Americans during this tumultuous time of labor negotiations.

If in fact video killed the radio star then it is of our opinion that the modern day union is destroying American industry and enterprise.

Just when you thought unions couldn't get more pathetic with the Hollywood writers strike being the culmination of socialist selfishness here comes the stagehands of Broadway with their typically egregious display of union laziness.

They are not striking over wages, benefits, or safe working conditions they are throwing a hissy fit because producers no longer want to pay four people to do the job of one and three people to not do the work of no one. Featherbeds are for napping not a place of business, well unless you are the Sofa King.

The gall of these fookin' jackasses to shut down Broadway (not necessarily a bad thing) costing the city, local businesses and employees countless revenue and wages to protect jobs that don't exist. The Jews have a word for that and to donkeyphrase it.....chutzpassery.

The classic example is the one man play whose only prop was a chair that required four union members to set up. One to take said chair out of storage. One to place on stage. One to remove from stage. One to put it back in storage. Not to mention the mandatory three man band for a play that had no music that sued (and won) when asked to at least play some tunes in the lobby during intermission.

So once again we stand in solidarity with the producers of the world and if The Aurora seems bereft of original material during the upcoming days/weeks do not misconstrue our intent as its not because of some gay ass blogger strike but rather that we will be focusing on our real jobs; paying taxes, creating wealth, products, jobs and services.... in other words, keeping the lights on in this joint that we like to call The United States of America.

Get back to work ya slackers!

War Perspective

And an interesting story that i've never heard before.

The target was Ploesti (pronounced "ploy-esht"), a small city in Romania north of Bucharest. Its 12 refineries produced most of the petroleum that fueled the German war machine, so the Allies were eager to take them out.

Continued

Donkey Live At The Acropolis

The Rhino and I were recently discussing arena rock and I recounted a story about one time when visiting my family in the beautiful town of Doire, me older cousin Columb asked me what the kids in America were listening to and when I replied.... "Journey" he proceeded to give me a swift shot to the mug and put me on my back.

Upon regaining consciousness he then proceeded to indoctrinate me in the ways of the Sabbath, for which I am eternally grateful that it was he and not my cousin the mod rocker or perhaps Id be wearing skinny ties blaring The Jam from my Vespa scooter to this day.

That was a close one. The bitterest pill is indeed hard to swallow.

Every music scene has its hierarchy just as Id imagine that Rhino and his fellow hip hoppers looked down on the Kid-n-Plays and Young MCs of world and the east coast Warlike with his snobbish disdain for Wisconsin Polka bands, so too did we rockers... and the likes of Journey and Def Leppard and their fans were not to be tolerated and publicly mocked at every opportunity.

but....

Some girls dug them, so .....

When you had one of them in the backseat of your Chevy Nova and deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want Journey on that cassette player, you need Journey on that cassette player.

So therein lies my dirty secret, although publicly mocking Journey and their songs about hugging, I also kept a tape stashed under my driver's seat for emergency wooing sessions.

I feel so dirty, so very very dirty.

So I ask you to share in my shame, and come clean.

Everybody, and I'm convinced EVERYBODY has listened to or still listens to music that their close friends would either be surprised to learn about and perhaps even scold scorn and shun upon discovery of it's revelation.

Let it out, it'll be ok.

...and Rhino I already know about your Debbie Gibson vinyl collection so pick another.

Bullshit Over Broadway

I was bullshitting with my bro about the evils of fake liberal rage and the drive-by propaganda machine also known as the mainstream media, case in point the recent non-stop LiveEarth concert series coverage (which by conservative estimates netted Al Gore a personal profit in the neighborhood of ten million dollars) or more locally the resurgence of the klan (and not the good Wu-tang type either) at Columbia University and the imminent threat of runaway racist lynch mobs throughout Harlem, the Northeast, and for that matter the continental US at large.

speaking of....

You ever notice how social injustices rarely happen in Hawaii or Alaska? Are those states utopias of tolerance or is it that their long distance flights and time zones just don't jive with the nightly primetime news? Makes me wonder. Ooh it makes me wonder, and its whispered that soon, if we all call the tune, then the piper will lead us to reason.

Now the reason I bring up my bro is that he has working knowledge of Columbia University. He has walked down the hall of the alleged noose incident, he's been in the security control center and he pointed out to me that via video surveillance that they could monitor you from the door of the incident every step of the way to the nearest parking garage/bus stop/train station.

In other words Columbia knows/knew exactly who the culprit was or wasn't and if they didn't destroy the evidence (which with the delay in handing over the tapes makes you think likely) so do the police.

So what I'd like to know is why aren't we hearing anything about it anymore. Don't we care about racism today? If a noose is such a threat to society why don't we have the Federalis working on this non-stop or Olbermann declaring the suspect the worst person in the world every night until the bigot is captured.

Or is it as I suspected all along that it was just ruse for self promotion, perhaps even to draw attention away from the school's mishandling of the Mahmoud affair. How could they be homophobic anti-semites when there's klansmen mucking about -- pay no attention to the calls for the destruction of Israel and homosexuals --- there are boogeymen in white sheets afoot. Ooooh ooooh.....

Boo!!!

Maybe I'm over-analyzing and it's not that complicated and just a case of liberal rage only having a shelf life of one news cycle and they forgot to take their Ritalin.

"Quote"

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure."

-- Thomas Jefferson (letter to William Stephens Smith, 13 November 1787)

When Pigs Swim

If Queen Latifah sang about Congress it would go a little something like this....

U N I T Y..... they be a bitch and a ho

.... following that logic, we also know that "bitches ain't shit but hos and tricks" according to the philosophical stylings of the Snoop Double Dizzle.

Funny how this works.

The dems havent done a darned thing about Iraq, although that is the pretty much the only reason they were elected, in the process pissing off their constituents and getting the Code Pinks in a rabid lather.

and....

Despite overwhelming public support for tightened immigration laws and a border wall, Republicans have done nothing more than pay lip service to its rank and file, in the process raising my ire.

but....

When it comes to how they can play with our, the American taxpayer's money... then hell, well its a veritable love fest in the Capital (not to mention open bar at Kennedy's Taxi-Service and Saloon)

I don't know much about the current Water Bill that the House just passed but if the "compassionate conservative" aka -- big government spends like a drunken Donkey with a fistful of fifties at Flashdancers -- President Bush actually lifted his dusty veto pen on this one, well then it's gots to be especially egregious and grotesque.

There's a saying that "if you throw enough money at a problem, it'll go away" while that may be true, it certainly doesn't work when you are the fucking problem, and that's right Congress...I'm pointing at you.

While I tend to agree with Homer that the pig is indeed a magical animal, that only applies when slaughtered butchered and cooked, not pissing away every fiddy cent I earn.

So on that note I will kindly disagree with the right honourable gentleman from Avon and suggest we start with the politicians first and in this case make it especially painful for the forty seven Republicans that voted for H.R. 1495.

.... and then and only then will we even consider Morrissey's, yeah that's right... Morrisey's, motion to kill the DJ.

Well, after we first round up Bill, the teachers, union officials and that loser Beck of course.

Sally Field Used to be Hot

Or at least she was really cute.
I was flicking through the channels this weekend and i caught the end of Smokey and the Bandit and i caught myself thinking that this chick was a serious cutie. So i got to thinking who else is out there that used to be hot but really isn't anymore? I immediately thought of Madonna who was pretty hot, but now she's not and she kind of lost it before she got old.
Some women still look good when they get older, like Sharon Stone, Michelle Pfeiffer, and of course Diane Lane but some don't. Madonna is on the list, and i know i'll take some heat for it but i don't think Demi Moore is hot either.

Who am i leaving out?

One, Two, Three Strikes Youre Out (Of Touch) At The Ol' Ballgame

Its about time Hollywood to put their Mao hats and Che shirts where their mouth is, and get down to the nitty-gritty of fighting for everyman issues such as DVD residuals and a larger slice of the internet pie.

Silly rabbits health care and safe working environments are for kids. Unless you're a coal-miner or a twelve year old doing double shifts at the linen factory, you really don't have all that much to be outraged by to force you to strike.

Correct me if I'm wrong but revenue sharing is a perk, not a Constitutional right and only bequeathed upon the employee by the employer at its discretion.

That's kind of the whole point of the employee/employer relationship. They hire you the employee and pay you a salary to make a product that they the employer then in turn attempt to sell for profit.

If at any point the employee is unhappy with this arrangement, then this being America, are more than free to absorb the start-up costs and overhead to turn the tables and become the employer to greater directly participate in the profits as opposed to being a salaried employee.

But I got to tell ya, as someone that has been privy to contract negotiations involving such trivial issues such as cost of living wage increases, safety equipment, prescription drug plans and family dental co-pays and who also had to physically fight his way out of meetings when voting against striking I gotta say....

Aren't liberals just so darned cute with their socialist causes, I mean come on, how very cute of Hollywood to embrace the struggles of the working man as they eat donuts provided by Jay Leno and cash checks from work they did three years ago.

Good gig if you can get it says me.

I would threaten to counter strike if it wasn't for the fact that Ive watched a total of one network show in the past ten years, but my concern for my countryman is sincere.

How will they ever cope....

Oh no not the late night shows, anything but the late night shows. How in gods name will America survive without their daily dose of Britney jokes and self-fellating celebrity starfucks.

But I am curious about the food vendors, the lighting crew, the grips, the gaffs and the best boys etc?

As far as I know they don't get any residual checks nor do they participate in profit sharing for the product they eqully help to create and who its also worth noting will not be receiving any stipends or paychecks during this strike.

Lex Luther had it right, send the whole damn state of California into the Pacific, or better yet put the monkeys/typewriters/Shakespeare theory to test.

The revolution will be televised (in reruns) but I for one wont be watching.

Yes.... ummm I mean No

Hillary Clinton can't decide, but it seems she doesn't have to because after her flip flopping on the drivers license issue in the debate her poll numbers went UP not down. So where does she stand on any of the issues you ask??? Well, it seems she'll let you know a week after the question is asked, and of course after the polling is done.

Should illegal aliens, like the ones who attacked us on 9/11 be allowed to have drivers licenses hillary? No or maybe............. One week later YES

How about torture? If we have a "ticking time bomb" scenario should we torture the terrorist to save American lives? Hillary says Yes.......... move on says no...... hillary says NO........ but bj clinton and hillary also say YES

Confused? Well, It's a woman's perogative to change her mind and hillary is just a little girl who's being picked on by the big bad boys after all!

Hammer, Wrench, Screw Driver, Sean Penn.

What do these things have in common? Why they're all tools of course!

Freedom? No i don't think so!

I Am The Champion.... Of The World!

I'm going to step out my usual modest shell, give myself a pat on the back and a hearty kudos good man.

Whats all the hoopla, did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night you ask. No, but I did win a gold medal during the 2007 NYBC Summer Games.

Hooray for Donkey!!!

Funny thing is, I didn't even know I was competing and truthfully all I did was sit around on a barcalounger a handful of times, let them tap my mud and then drank and ate free juice-n-cookies afterwards.

Some would say no big deal and I would agree but if the New York Blood Center says I achieved greatness, then who am I to argue.

To the victor goes the spoils and in the letter commending me on my awesomeness I was directed to go to a website to claim my reward.

Wow! I must really be a kick ass donor because the sweet swag they were offering me makes Merv Griffin look like a piker. I'm talking Lucien Picard watches, six deck shufflers, $50 Home Depot (not sure if I'll have the time) gift cards, 18k gold plated tri-color gold weave bracelets, and a Vivitar 50x/100x Refractor Telescope with Tripod.

Just as I was about to decide on my prize and who I would re-gift it to this holiday season I noticed one last choice that I had missed.....

"No thank you, Giving the gift of life is thanks enough. Please return my certificate # back to the NY Blood Center"

Bam kidney shot.

Now all of sudden I'm an fuckin' asshole for even thinking about how cool it would be to play woodchuck to grey squirrel with my new Cobra 10 Mile Range Two Way Weather Radios.

Not since "Debbie or the car" / "the car or Debbie" has man been faced with such an ethical conundrum and quite frankly I am at a loss of what to do.

So I ask you kind reader, to help guide me through this moral maelstrom that I currently face.

.... did I mention the Championship Casino 109 piece Table Game Set????

The Donkey Report

People who cite Comedy Central as a primary for source political commentary/ news should have their voting rights revoked immediately. Don't get me wrong I think South Park is one of the most smartest written shows on television and its goes without saying that The Daily Show and Colbert Report the funniest.

I was at a Halloween party last night and as I have done the past three years running I dressed up as Tucker Carlson. An obscure costume for sure but free and easy enough for me do as I just throw on a bow tie and act like a pompous and smug high born conservative, and since I act like a white guy everyday... like I said, easy enough for me to do.

However after hearing some criticism for my lack of effort in years past I took it up a notch this year creatively and had my tailor sew a wing on the right shoulder of an old blazer. Get it? Right winger very clever.

Unlike years past where people just assumed that I wasn't wearing a costume and just a fan of popcorn, there was no mistaken that this was indeed a shtick and the worst kind of all... the type no one gets. So I found myself constantly explaining it to the curious.

Overwhelmingly the reactions were negative, and the common critique was that Tucker was a neo-con asshole. When asked why they thought that, it was pointed out that Jon Stewart said so.

Oh Jon Stewart said so, then it must true. When confronted on how they felt about his position on the Iraq War, gay marriage, etc.... not surprisingly nobody knew nothing. Not taken into consideration that alongside Patrick Buchanan he has been one of the most vocal and efficient critics of the war, and that besides Kucinich is more in favor of gay marriage than any dem candidate for president. An asshole maybe, but a neo-con he is not.

And that is the whats wrong with the democrat party and politics in general. The electorate have been sheepified into knowledgeless drones. Che Guevara is a hero because he's on a t-shirt and Tucker Carlson is an asshole because Jon Stewart said so.

Well in the words of Eric Cartman, liberals can "suck my balls"

Forty Thieves

I was shooting the shit with the local confectioner who I affectionately call the boy in the bubble (because he works in 4x4 box for those unfamiliar with NYC) when a pack of black utes approached in full Halloween regalia.

I didn't like kids when I was one and not much has changed since, but the Irish in me was certainly appreciative that they took the time to embrace and learn about my historical culture, although being old school I prefer the pagan worship of the undead and usually just pass on the plastic masks and candy.

The group, not fully grasping or caring that my man in the box Hemant (who hands down does the best impersonation of me around) makes his living selling cigarettes, newspapers, and yes candy.... demanded free treats for the holiday.

Upon being rebuffed and told they would have to pay for their Snickers like everyone else, the teens launched a verbal assault by repeatedly calling him Ali Baba. Forgetting for a moment that Hemant is obviously a Hindu and not Arabian at all like the character they cited I thought it was funny as shit, and Ive been calling him that since.

but I gots to thinking.....

What if they were a pack of white kids who never owned slaves, never lynched or discriminated against nobody did the same to a black waitress during breakfast at Sylvia's calling her Aunt Jemima.

Would it still be funny or would it be a hate crime?

"QUOTE"

"It is error alone which needs the support of government. Truth can stand by itself. Subject opinion to coercion: whom will you make your inquisitors?"

-- Thomas Jefferson (Notes on the State of Virginia, Query 17,1781)