I'm going to step out my usual modest shell, give myself a pat on the back and a hearty kudos good man.
Whats all the hoopla, did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night you ask. No, but I did win a gold medal during the 2007 NYBC Summer Games.
Hooray for Donkey!!!
Funny thing is, I didn't even know I was competing and truthfully all I did was sit around on a barcalounger a handful of times, let them tap my mud and then drank and ate free juice-n-cookies afterwards.
Some would say no big deal and I would agree but if the New York Blood Center says I achieved greatness, then who am I to argue.
To the victor goes the spoils and in the letter commending me on my awesomeness I was directed to go to a website to claim my reward.
Wow! I must really be a kick ass donor because the sweet swag they were offering me makes Merv Griffin look like a piker. I'm talking Lucien Picard watches, six deck shufflers, $50 Home Depot (not sure if I'll have the time) gift cards, 18k gold plated tri-color gold weave bracelets, and a Vivitar 50x/100x Refractor Telescope with Tripod.
Just as I was about to decide on my prize and who I would re-gift it to this holiday season I noticed one last choice that I had missed.....
"No thank you, Giving the gift of life is thanks enough. Please return my certificate # back to the NY Blood Center"
Bam kidney shot.
Now all of sudden I'm an fuckin' asshole for even thinking about how cool it would be to play woodchuck to grey squirrel with my new Cobra 10 Mile Range Two Way Weather Radios.
Not since "Debbie or the car" / "the car or Debbie" has man been faced with such an ethical conundrum and quite frankly I am at a loss of what to do.
So I ask you kind reader, to help guide me through this moral maelstrom that I currently face.
.... did I mention the Championship Casino 109 piece Table Game Set????
12 comments:
I take it you don't give platelets?
Try that for cool gifts.
Or do what a coworker did once at the bloodmobile: demand information about how to designate his blood for real sick people, and not to let Hollywood elective surgery doctors use it up then cry "shortage".
"Why should I give blood to fatasses getting bariatric surgery?" It was SO over the top rude. But...strangely funny.
He told them there should be a law that if you CHOOSE surgery, your family should have to give you your blood.
This ranting truly sounded Donkeyescent.
If I did not know the guy, I would have waited for Ashton to scream "punkd" or something.
I actually do give platelets on occasion time permitting but being that I got rockin mud they advise me that my whole blood is more valuable to them.
... and those were the cool gifts, a "set of two wooden boxes" as an example, awaited the bronze medal recipients.
That makes no sense because they take out the platelets and return the blood, therefore are able to get way more as opposed to taking it from the pints here and there.
Honestly I just get the "apheresis friends" stuff they give you there. Then I give it away.
I hate clutter. I hate free gifts, calendars, address labels from Amnesty, stickers from paralyzed veterans. It is a waste of the money people donate, same with these blood gifts. Same with the NPR and public television gifts. Just use the money for the damn stations.
While yes they get more platelets that way but being a universal donor it is my red blood cells that are the bread and butter according them as they have a longer shelf life and can be used in more circumstances, then again what do I know, I do what Im asked... they probably just think Im a jackass and dont want me hanging around for two hours telling my corny ass jokes.
A Rabbi and Black Minister walk into an Irish pub.
Bartender says "Get Out!"
Agreed, clutter sucks.
Oh I have an uncommon blood type so they need my platelets much more. You must be O or something.
Even my blood is more elite than you.
Donkey dont worry I have to go back to work Monday and I cant play around. You are blocked.
Yup Im just a commoner with common mud.
So...
Well thanks for all the advice I think Im gonna go with the bracelet for my Aunt (Ill have them engrave her name on it with cz's for that extra touch of class)
Whatever donkey! you and i both know you're a geek and you're going for the telescope!
How many telescopes can I water ski behind? How much is enough?
well ... think of it this way.
a friend of mine just got diagnosed with MS. in trying to stabilize him (he had a stroke brought on by the MS and the "lesions" on the brain and spinal column that the MS causes) the standard steroid treatment didn't work, so he was given something called plasmatheresis, which is pretty much removal of the plasma in the blood and putting in new plasma.
in the month he was in the hospital, he has 12 treatments. somebody had to donate that stuff.
made me realize, once again, how important donation is ... no matter what your blood type.
three cheers for the donkey.
I hate to sound ungrateful but could I get three beers instead.
Miss C can't give blood on account of the massive amounts of Joe she is prone to drink. Last time I gave blood, the tech came over and started squeezing the bag of my blood. he asked me, "What have you been drinking, your blood is all thick and clotty." I was so busted. I said I had had 6 cups of coffee and a huge diet coke. Then I passed out.
Yeah "technically" I shouldnt either on account of my propensity for prostitutes and the countries that I have travelled to, also because of the prostitutes Ive propensed while in said countries.
That being said Ive been told my iron count is strong like bull.
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