Candy For Halloween

In an effort to repair relations between The Aurora and Canada (although we steadfastly stand by our South Park conservative stance of Screw Canada!) we would like to offer a maple branch to our moose loving neighbors to the north by honoring one of their fallen sons. May the era of detente begin.

Coinciding with his birthday of October 31, 1950 we would like to take this opportunity to celebrate (in my opinion) Canada's greatest export....None other than the man himself John Candy. Pound for pound (and that's a lot of tonnage) one of the greatest comedically adept actors to ever walk the planet, a modern day Roscoe Arbuckle if you will, who had the uncanny ability to make the effortless transition from role player to sidekick to leading man. His filmography is so extensive we would be doing him and his work a disservice to mention only a few of his flicks here so what we would like to do is open up the comments section here for our readers to share their favorite John Candy films, moments, quotes, how he changed your life for the better... Heres your chance to tell the world what John Candy meant to you. To start things off I will include one of my favorite quotes...

Holding a copy of Penthouse: "They published my letter. Here it is, "A lesbian no more". They published my letter."

originally posted on April 08, 2006. Sóch Samhain and Happy Halloween

Media Bias? No, couldn't be....

NEW YORK TIMES endorses NO Republicans for first time since before Watergate...

Typical of the Elite attitude on the Left....

KERRY TELLS COLLEGE STUDENTS: GET A GOOD EDUCATION OR YOU'LL END UP STUCK IN IRAQ...

Well at least he's being honest..

“I don’t like the word ‘Balance’’- Says ABC News Global Warming Reporter

Read it Here:

Shh-It Its J.D.

Im gonna tell you a Thanksgiving story about J.D. Just about the coolest dude Ive ever known.

Back in my early twenties I got a job doing some freelance painting for a union shop in Port Newark. Paid better than bartending but you didnt see any drunk chicks until after your shift. The work was hard but the pay was decent and there really aint much more than that you can ask for when youre young. After a few months there was a debate whether I could be offered a union spot, a job. No suspense, I got the job... but there was serious discussion. You see getting a spot in 560 werent no easy task. The company has got to want to hire you, and so does the union. Lucky for me Im a charming son of a bitch. I was a white irish hardworking guy with probably no mob ties...the company's wet dream. I was a white trash irish hard drinkin n fightin guy with probable mob ties...fit right in at 560. Like I said I got the job.

Good times.

I made foreman within two years. Now see the problem was there wasnt a guy on the crew within fifteen years of me. This caused problems. Typical union seniority bs. I had to fight five guys and kick the shit out of three before the man stepped in.

J.D. said...

"Shh-it boys why you whoopin up on each other we's here to make money and I got mine on the Kid Shamrock"

People took notice, and noone bet against him.

J.D. was the most skilled and most senior guy in my local. Untouchable even from suits. Like I said just about the coolest dude Ive ever known. Old Brick City type of guy. He took me under his wing and brought me Black Tail magazine and a case of ginseng every week and wed drink Fo Oh's of Oh E after work shootin the shite.

He'd say...

"Shh-it Donk you gots to get with a sista, I nailed an irish girl once, you got to get with a sista"


Now this was back when carjacking was rampant in Newark NJ. J.D. loved his wife but he loved his Coup De Ville even more. He got jacked one night. Here he is a 60+ yr old guy against some punks...

"Shh-it try to take my Ca-dil-lac and Ill straight edge ya in the juuglar"

As he flipped a barbers blade with a quickness to demonstrate. They didnt get his Cad di lac.

Or one Thanksgiving when the company didnt give us turkeys (it was a twenty year tradition) over a labor dispute regarding a payout of overtime. J.D. walked in puched his time card and then realizing their was no bonus.

He uttered the now holiday classic....

"Shh-it...No turkey no motherfuckin workey"

...punched his time card out and left. They sent out for turkeys. He didnt come back. I sold mine for 10 bucks.

Dont You Be Eyeballing Me Maio

As you can probably imagine as a conservative in Manhattan, I dont get much campaign literature. Well like Charlie Bucket I got the got the golden ticket today in the mail. Danniel Maio, Republican candidate for US Congress 14th District. Even when there are republicans, conservatives or libertarians running they pretty much are dead in the water and dont waste the money on mass mailers.

So needless to say I was immediately impressed with the shiny paper on my desk, but upon closer review I couldnt really tell you much about the guy. Hes Taiwanese, he believes in the "typewriter, cell phone, internet and HDTV". Huh? Not looking good Danniel-son. Ok here we go "If you need money to make it happen, I will use my position to help" Little better, I could use some extra scratch. But whats this "You will see a rainbow of ideas, comments and stories" Uh oh. Rainbows? Is that code? When I first moved to the city years ago I was always advised to stay away from the rainbow. He makes maps. HE MAKES MAPS! Are you kiddin me, he's a cartographer? Consider yourself endorsed Danniel Maio.

You gotta check out the this clip.

Maio

EE-Aw!!

Actually No It Isnt

Everywhere I turned the last two days I kept hearing how October is the deadliest month in Iraq. Its a bold faced lie intended to sway the election and sensationalize at the same time. Its not even the deadliest month this year*. The sooner the press stops celebrating every milestone death like a birthday or anniversary the better. Is not the 99th death as newsworthy as the 100th? Every death should be mourned whether you agree with this war or not. Cut the shite already media I know where you live and Im getting mad,and you wouldnt like me when Im mad.

"October is already the fourth deadliest month for American troops since the war began in March 2003. The previous high monthly death tolls were 107 in January 2005 (um 2006?) ; at least 135 in April 2004, and 137 in November 2004, when U.S. forces swept through the insurgent stronghold of Fallujah."

correction (as pointed out by Gary): It is the deadliest month this year, but not since the onset of fighting as most in the media are insinuating. Im retarded and thought it said Jan 06. I stand by my assessment that the intent is to sway and sensationalize not report.

Hero Of The Week

"Sgt. Leigh Ann Hester, who fought insurgents in close combat outside Baghdad, is the first woman to receive the Silver Star since an Army nurse in World War II (and the first ever to be cited for close combat)"

I Cant See Said The Hippie

As I was reflecting back on a recent discussion I had regarding the medias blatant leftist slant and how a fellow blogger explained to me in their feeble defense that it is not, and that CNN for example is "centrist" I was distracted by a multi part program on aforementioned channel titled "Broken Government...How The Right Went Wrong" and Wolf Blitzer accusing Lynne Cheney of being a pornographer, but Im afraid that I dont have any polls or studies to cite what mine eyes saw.

Achy Breaky Heart

Ill tell ya what. Billy Ray Cyrus yeah that Billy Ray Cyrus just did a frickin outstanding job singing the National Anthem before Game 5 of the World Series. Theres something about that song that just makes you proud to be an American, or maybe its just that people that are proud to be an American think theres something about that song. Fuckin goosebumps everytime I hear it, and its good to see a good ol' boy that cant carry a lick belt it out. Its not a Constitutional Amendment that requires it be sung by some operatic diva, sometimes its not about hitting the high notes but loving your country regardless of the lows.

EE-Aw!!!

Touting Military Misdeeds, Hiding Heroes

"MRC analysts tallied all stories regarding charges of U.S. military misconduct that aired on ABC, CBS and NBC's morning, evening, primetime and late night news shows from May 17 through June 7, before the networks' pessimism was interrupted by the successful termination of terrorist menace Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. The analysts then searched those same shows for coverage of top medal recipients, starting in September 2001. They found that none of America's heroes received anywhere near as much attention from the broadcast networks as TV gave the latest allegations of military wrongdoing — and many received no coverage at all."

click here for more non liberal media bias

Media Research Center is regarded to be a conservative org.

The Aurora is disregarded as being a bunch of jackasses

Yes Virginia There Is A Santa Claus, But THERE IS NO LIBERAL MEDIA BIAS

"More recently, Tim Groseclose of the University of California, Los Angeles, and Stanford and Jeff Milyo of the University of Chicago published "A Measure of Media Bias." They ingeniously counted the number of times a news outlet quoted certain think tanks and compared this with the number of times members of Congress cited the same think tanks when speaking from the floor.
Comparing the citation patterns enabled them to construct an ADA (Americans for Democratic Action) score for each media outlet. They found that the "Fox News Special Report" was the only right-of-center news outlet in their sample, while the "CBS Evening News" was the most liberal, followed by the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, USA Today, "NBC Nightly News" and ABC's "World News Tonight."
More surprising was the astonishing degree to which the mainstream press was liberal. Using the median ADA rating of the 435 members of the House of Representatives as the most appropriate definition of a centrist voter in America, the Los Angeles Times, the New York Times, USA Today and "CBS Evening News" are not just liberal. Their ratings are much closer to the Democrats' average ADA rating in Congress than they were to the center, and miles from the Republicans' average rating." more

"Need more proof? By an overwhelming 12-to-1 ratio, Washington reporters favored Bill Clinton, and they supported John Kerry by the same lopsided 12-to-1 ratio, according to an informal survey by a New York Times reporter.
The media masters have been caught red-handed in their subtle manipulation of public opinion toward their personal beliefs and preferences. In the last three days, we have presented compelling evidence from six comprehensive studies.
Edith Efron's prodigious 1972 book "The News Twisters" analyzed pre-election network news coverage for use of positive and negative words. Maura Clancy and Michael Robinson recorded and rated positive and negative spin comments before the 1984 election (10-to-1 against Ronald Reagan).
A 1983 survey by the Institute For Applied Economics showed nearly 95% of economic statistics were positive, yet 86% were reported negatively. Two Pew Research studies looked at journalists' identification with liberal and conservative labels and their views of political leaders.
And the brilliant 2003 study "A Measure of Media Bias" by Tim Groseclose and Jeff Milyo scientifically documented that the national media slants your news left, with CBS and the New York Times leading the parade.
Consider this evidence of leading media figures' increasingly cozy ties to the left: MSNBC's Chris Matthews was a Jimmy Carter speechwriter and top aide to former House Speaker Tip O'Neill. NBC's Tim Russert was a political adviser to Democratic Sen. Patrick Moynihan and New York Gov. Mario Cuomo. ABC's Jeff Greenfield was a speechwriter for Sen. Robert Kennedy. PBS' Bill Moyers was Lyndon Johnson's press secretary. ABC's George Stephanopoulos was Clinton's strategist and communications director.
There's more: Tom Johnson, former president of CNN, was special assistant to President Johnson. CBS' Lesley Stahl once worked for New York Mayor John Lindsay. CBS News opinion columnist Dotty Lynch was the Democratic National Committee's polling director in 1981-82. David Burke, Ted Kennedy's chief of staff for six years, in 1988 became president of CBS for two years and later returned to Kennedy as a strategy adviser. Former NPR President Delano Lewis was chief campaign fundraiser for Washington Mayor Marion Barry.
The list from the Media Research Center data goes on until you get a whopping 322 Democrats vs. 82 Republicans." more

"By far, the most insidious practice of the nearly 90% liberal-controlled national media is how they select which stories and facts to cover and promote, and the special slant they give to each story. More important are the stories they choose not to cover and which facts they omit because they don't support their story angle or political objectives.
When Sandy Berger, President Clinton's national security adviser, and former Ambassador Joe Wilson, whose wife was a CIA operative, unleashed their relentless attacks on President Bush two years ago, they got nonstop coverage on national TV. Wilson got 40 stories on NBC, 30 on CBS, 18 on ABC, 96 in the Washington Post, 70 in the New York Times and 48 in the Los Angeles Times, according to a database search by Washington Post media critic Howard Kurtz.
John Kerry selected Berger and Wilson to be among his top foreign policy advisers on America's national security.
Wilson claimed that intelligence about Iraqi attempts to obtain uranium from Niger was based on forged documents because the names and dates were wrong, that his CIA wife did not recommend him for the Niger assignment, and that Bush knowingly misled the country about Saddam Hussein seeking uranium from Africa.
Later, a Senate Intelligence Committee looking into the claims confronted Wilson. Specifically, the committee asked him how he could say intelligence documents from Niger were forged, when he had never actually seen them. As it turns out, they weren't put in U.S. hands until eight months after he visited Niger.
Wilson had to admit he, in effect, lied. He also lied about his own report. Rather than debunking intelligence about supposed uranium sales to Iraq, his report actually supported the case for most intelligence, according to the Washington Post.
The Senate report further stated, based on CIA testimony and a Feb. 12, 2002, memo from Wilson's wife to the Counterproliferation Division, that his wife had definitely recommended Wilson for the assignment. British and European intelligence, meanwhile, confirmed illicit trade in uranium from Niger.
So it was proved Wilson lied on four vital points. Bush had stated the intelligence facts honestly and correctly. The New York Times had to run a story titled "Intelligence Backs Claim Iraq Tried To Buy Uranium."
So what's the point? The truthful story was buried and quickly forgotten. In the New York Times, it was covered three times and quickly forgotten, whereas it appears the Times carried Wilson's phony, later discredited, story 70 times. Is this ethical, honest coverage, or blatant, unbalanced liberal bias? " more

Ich Bin Ein Border Stupido

Ive noticed that during debates about the border wall a recurring theme keeps popping up from the left. Not one to brings facts into the liberal fantasy hallmark card catchphrase ideology cuz I know how much dem hippies love them their German references, so I hate to be the bearer of bad news but...

Berlin Wall: Keep people in.

USA Border: Keep people out.

Feel free to leave anytime.

Dixie Chicken Littles

Aw the poor little commie red riding Dixie Chicks are being persecuted by the Big Bad Wolf Vast Right Wing Conspiracy. Instead of playing 15,000 seat arenas they now play 10K and instead of selling 3 million albums they now sell 2 million. Im watching them on Chris Matthews and the poor little millionaire victims are complaining that that they arent getting enough radio air time because of a "mandate" from "corporate headquarters" not to play their records, and in typical liberal fashion fail to mention what corporation is out to get them...just you know the generic evil corporation (or could it be Halliburton???)

Im going to go out on a limb here without any prior Music Industry experience and state that the reason for their demise is twofold....

1. They suck

2. They pissed off their fan base.

Now Ive wasted enough brain cells talking about these broads so I am now going to go do something more constructive and inhale some nitrous oxide.

waaa na na na na na na na na na

White Rice And Black Beans

I would like to address the recent manufactured media scandal created at the behest of the desperate Democratic Party regarding Harold Fords attendance at a Playboy Super Saturday Night Super Bowl Party and the commercial that highlighted the Christian congressmans alleged hypocrisy.

I have it on good authority (me being the authoritie) that indeed racism was rampant during SB XL weekend. Let me explain. I have known the Rhino for about seven eight years, weve worked together in various capacities for about half that time. The problem is hes a racist. You see when presented with two Super Bowl tickets last year who did he call...you guessed it, not the Donkey. What about me. It isn't fair. I've had enough. Now I want my share. Can't you see. I wanna live. But you just take more then you give. I have no cause for bitterness, as he didnt make the cut in '99 for the NBA Finals or the '00 World Series.

The only reason I can think of for this snub is because Im white, a honkey, a cracka, el blanco diablo. I doubt it had anything to do with the fact he invited some guy he has barely known since grade school whos wedding he was best man for or whos child he is godfather...had nothing to do with that, it was affirmative action at its worst. He invited this stranger of thirty plus years because he was black, and that shite aint kosher at The Aurora. Its gonna take more than bleach Señor Rhinoz to wash away the racist stains from your white sheets.

click here for big black tail action

....Now if the Democracists really wanted to tackle some actual racial injustice in the Classy Adult Erotica Periodical Industry, I would kindly point them in the direction of Black Tail Magazine. I am a long time subscriber and I am still waiting for and would like to know.... to quote the great lawman Sheriff Bart ..."Hey, where the white women at?"

I really wanted to endorse Ford after hearing his explanation as to whether he ever attended a Playboy Party, he responded “I like football and I like girls. I don’t have a… no apologies for that.” Im with you there buddy, but it seems this isnt the first time hes played the race card. Its disingenuous for some snot nosed Ivy League rich kid who would betray the honor of his very own family for political gain to now claim that the man is trying to hold him down. Afterall, if as he claims his grandmother was white....whats wrong with some bimbo bunny asking him to call her???

Is it that Democrats still think its taboo for a white woman to date a black man? They are a bunch of BIGOTS. Its an insult to everyone thats ever been involved in an inter-racial relationship for Dems to portray this as if it were a low down dirty shame. Once again proving my point that Liberal Democrats hate black people.

Scales Of Justice?

An unrepentant Lynne Stewart who openly advocated violence against America during her trial...

"I'm talking about institutions being changed and that will not be changed without violence."

...gets convicted of providing material support to a terrorist organization intent on killing Americans and is sentenced to 28 months.

Jeffrey Skilling gets 24 years for insider trading.

So in other words, if I were to conspire to blow up your house with your entire family inside, I get a slap on the wrist...but if I were to rob it I spend decades behind bars???

That seems fair.

Pussiliency is Wrong

Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions

I very rarely use pleasantries such as "how are you doing" (the exception was when the Rhino and I would antagonize an ex-colleague known as Pipebomb, who would respond to simple salutations with such venom to make it hilarious. What the F makes it a good morning he would say) Now contrary to recent Zogby polls the reason for this is not that I am a miserable sumnabitch, and despite my incessant blog ranting I am a man of few words. Nothing irks me more than stupid and insincere questions or even worse unnecessary answers.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, your response should be somewhere along the lines of...fine... or something similarly monosyllabic. I dont care if your dog got hit by a car, that you won the lottery or that your chick dumped you. Fine is enough. I have even mastered the art of muttering said greetings when forced to be used in a tone that removes the question mark entirely and conveys to the individual that no repsonse is required. Regarding stupid questions, take for example this email I received this morning...

"Im not sure if you would be interested, but my wife is doing promotion for the St Francis' Big Red event tonight. If you are interested I can get you on the list and free entrance. Let me know."

So after yahoo-ing wtf this thing was and reading the sites description...

"A spectacular culinary feast featuring red meat dishes prepared by New York City's top chefs and paired with the bold flavored, full bodied reds of St. Francis Winery & Vineyards."

In other words...all the email should have said and asked was if I wanted free steak and booze.

As Al Jaffee would have responded...

No. Ill just have the salad
No. Id prefer to pay for the tickets
No. But Ill take the steak knife anyways to stab you in the juglar for asking such a ridonkulous question.

Say what you mean, and mean what you say

EE-Aw!!!

Irish X-Games

Two Irishmen walk into the pet shop in Dingle. They head into the bird section where Paddy says to Gerry, "Dat's dem". The owner asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up there," says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies into a paper bag. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of Connor Pass. At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 feet drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two of the birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as Gerry falls to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumpin' is too fook'n dangerous for me!"

THERE'S MORE.....

Moments later, Seamus arrives up at the Connor Pass. He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying a paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other. "Hullo Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says. He removes a Parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as halfway down, Seamus aims the gun and shoots the Parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down until he too hits bottom, breaks every bone in his body and is smashed to a pulp. Paddy shakes his head and says, " And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either ! "

ITS NOT OVER YET....

Paddy is just gettting over the shock of losing two of his friends when Sean O'Leary appears. He also has a paper bag out which he pulls a chicken. He grabs the chicken by each wing and also hurls himself over the cliff, disappearing down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine. Once again Paddy is shaking his head. "Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry wit his budgie-jumpin', den Seamus parrotshooting and now Sean O'Leary and his fook'n hengliding !

Lemme Get A Ric Flair.....

I am sad. I am proud. I love this New York Mets team. Epic frickin battle...are you kidding me....greatest double play EVER compliments of ENDY. Great game, didnt work out for us...great season. I am reluctant yet emphatic in giving kudos to the St Louis Cardinals...congrats, even though I am still of the mind that red is for sissies and commies. They beat us...thats that. If wishing was shite my pants would be full, but damn didnt ya think Cliffy or Los was gonna do it.... Lets GO METS...See ya in 07 bitches. Be afraid.

Tokens Are For Buses

Once again proving that Democrats hate black people

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- A ranking Democrat in the House of Representative is apologizing for saying an African-American Senate candidate "slavishly" supported the Republican Party.
House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer, D-Maryland, said he meant no offense when he made the remark about Maryland Lt. Gov. Michael Steele, the GOP nominee for the seat being vacated by longtime Democratic Sen. Paul Sarbanes.
In a statement issued Tuesday, Hoyer said, "I should not have used those words."

"I should not have used those words."

Yeah no shit. Good thing for you that Democrats cant be racist.

mas

Bring Back Public Hangings

As the New York Post reports, Stewart then smuggled back a coded dispatch that led to the dissolution of a cease-fire between Rahman's Islamic Group and the Egyptian government. On the stand, she failed to exercise her right to remain silent, proclaiming support for Rahman's violent cause, saying: "I believe that entrenched institutions will not be changed except by violence. I believe in the politics that lead to violence being exerted by people on their own behalf."
Enter Clinton-appointed U.S. District Judge John Koeltl. Addressing the traitor before him, Koeltl hailed Stewart as a "lawyer to the poor and the unpopular," and added: "It is no exaggeration to say that Ms. Stewart performed a public service, not only to the court but to the nation."

Read it Here:

No Bias to be found?

This week, another little story erupted, again featuring Reid. He was paying a few thousand dollars in Christmas bonuses to employees of his condominium at the Ritz-Carlton in Washington out of his campaign funds, not his own wallet. That's a clear violation of campaign laws. And besides, isn't this a juicy story by today's TV standards? The Senate Democratic leader, living at the Ritz-Carlton? And tipping the hired help with someone else's money at Christmas time?

Read it here:

Reid My Lips No News Coverage

This may or may not come as a shock to some, but Im not really a Fox News type of guy. The reason is three fold. One... I am the choir. Two... I am wicked smarterer than their own air personalities. Three... besides Brit Hume none of them really have a sense of humour. Im a wild and current events kind of guy, I dont need some humourless hack circus barker telling me what I already know.

If Fox is the conservative network, then MSNBC is the uber duber liberal militant wing of Democratic party. I watch it everyday, and besides Imus and Tucker I hate every single person on that channel. Actually I hate Imus too, but he has great guests. Olbermann is a tool. Matthews is a tool. Scarborough is a tool. But I watch them nonetheless for the entertainment factor, which is their incompetency, as well as to see how the other side thinks.

The reason I mention this is...where is the coverage of the Reid scandals? There is none. Im not going to equate Foleygayte with Reid but come on, scandal is scandal...corruption is corruption and nary a word is ever said about the continuous onslaught (it never ends) of shadiness from Reid. If anything I think it would make for better television. The Reid story has it all....VEGAS, bribery, shady backroom deals, mobsters, front row championship boxing seats, showgirls, million dollar condos and land grabs. Foley was a flaming perv emailing flaming perv teens. Both are wrong, but theres a reason The Sopranos is a number one show and Queer Eye aint.

Hmmm? Now I wonder whats the reason that the Reid scandals dont warrant the same non-stop coverage as Foley.

EE-Aw!!

Judge Not

"On controversial issues on stuff like homosexual rights, abortion, we debate with each other and persuade each other and vote on it either through representatives or a constitutional amendment,"

"Whether it's good or bad is not my job. My job is simply to say if those things you find desirable are contained in the Constitution,"

Justice Antonin Scalia

Perception Is Not Always Reality

So Im in an elevator the other day and if I can say so myself I was looking handsome. Now mind you Im not an attractive man quite ugly to be exact but a custom suit and few hundo dollar wingtips can dress up even a hilljack such as myself. Allow myself to introduce...myself!

The reason I mention this is not to be a big shot, which I am, but because besides me in the elevator was a messenger that looked the opposite of me...young black and disheveled. I want to point out the contrast. Good kid. He had a Mets hat on and we got along great talking baseball until around the tenth floor. At which point I cut a nasty one. End of conversation. Understood, I broke protocol.

Fourteenth floor opens and unfortunately its neither of our floors, enter an absolutely stunning beauty with tits to Timbuktu. She sniffs she smells she looks at me she looks at him she looks back at me as we both roll our eyes at the dirty messenger farter. We make small talk as we share our little secret of snobbery that makes us feel better than the aromatic elevator passenger beside us. Shame on her for letting pinstripes cloud her perception of the picante reality which was my lunch. Shame on me for allowing it to happen, but are you frickin kidding me she was hot. Every man for himself. So to the messenger in the Mets hats...my bad!

yet another Auroran rerun from March 31, 2006. I picked this one because of the METS angle, the fact that I ate Mexican for lunch, not to mention that I ran out of deodarant today so my scent, my musk is pretty rank.

LETS GO METS!
Whoomp!

More Frivolity...

So many people have pointed out that Democrats offer no alternative policies that this can no longer be just an oversight on the Democrats' part.
It is a calculated strategy, assuming that continuous second-guessing and denunciation of the Bush administration will undermine the Republicans enough in the eyes of the public to win the Democrats enough votes to take control of the House of Representatives this year and control of the White House in 2008.

Read it here:

True True....

Nowhere is political frivolity more in evidence than in issues involving racial and ethnic groups. Disagree with some policies or demands and you become an instant "racist."
The substance of those policies or demands, and the substance of the objections to them, get lost in an orgy of rhetoric and personal accusations. Racial issues are just one of a growing number of issues where rational discussion has become virtually impossible.

Read it Here:

Sums it up nicely......

Too Controversial for Columbia
Student radicals can't stand to hear a Minuteman weigh in on illegal immigration.
BY ROSS KAMINSKY Wednesday, October 11, 2006 12:01 a.m.

As a graduate of Columbia College ('87) and the son of a Columbia graduate, I have some perspective on the school and the history of student behavior there. Sadly, nothing has changed in the over 45 years which include my father's time at Columbia, my time there, and the recent "Minuteman protests."
Around 1960, Ayn Rand was invited to speak at Columbia. My father went to hear her. She was shouted down and, unable to address the crowd, left the podium after properly scolding the students for their bad manners. The protesters spent much of their time railing against the evils of capitalism and liberty.
In about 1985, there were protests and scuffles as students barricaded Hamilton Hall to demand the University divest itself of investments in companies which did business in South Africa. The protesters spent much of their time railing against the evils of capitalism and liberty, with somewhat more physical violence than had been seen 25 years earlier.
And now, 20 years after those protests, I see Columbia students act aggressively, irresponsibly, and disgustingly, trying to silence another invited speaker.

Read it here:

Walk Like A Donkey

reprint

Nothing bothers me more than people that dont know how to walk. No, Im not talking about toddlers, although as a card carrying conservative, and therefore a Nazi...I do hate children. Im talking about the people you encounter in all walks of life, whether it be on elevators, escalators, moving sidewalks (airports), sidewalks, stairs, etcetera etc. Like in politics it seems to me, that if everybody just moved to the right then there would be no problems. I hate to sound like the lib Larry David but the flow of traffic is something thats important to me and I just cant seem to understand why its so hard for some people to grasp, so as a Public Service Announcement Im going to help advance the mobile progress of mankind. What can I say Im that kind of guy. So without further EE-Aw...

1. If you are entering a doorway, where traffic is one way i.e subways, elevators, buses...let the people exiting exit then you may enter
2. If you are entering into an establishment (i.e. drugstore) with designated directions, please enter through the enter door, and exit through the exit door
3. If you are walking on a sidewalk try to stay to the right and maintain your progress in as straight a line as possible. No zigzagging!
4. If you are so lazy that once you get on an escalator or moving sidewalk that you let 'the machine' do the work for you...please move to right
5. If youre a man, and you are behind me in a situation that I have to physically open a door...do not expect me to hold it for you, and if other doors are available immediately proceed to free door. If youre a woman I will give a five step grace period, anything more youre on your own.
6. If two men are approaching a manually operated door...the person that reaches door first, goes through first, if one party is a woman, see: five step rule above
7. Elevator protocol: First to enter move to the back, make room for others, and eyes forward
8. No lollygagging near intersections, doorways, stairs and other high traffic volume area, in other words get the fuck out my way

This was originally posted on Thursday, March 09, 2006 but due to METS PLAYOFF BASEBALL, and the fact that I am either going to be alcoholically incapacitated, recovering, or maybe even putting some time in at the office, I will be regurtitating some old Aurora Classics from time to time. I chose this one because a new blog Im reading reminded me of it, except they put it significantly more eloquently than I ever could...check these guys/gals out, they have an interesting perspective, but be forewarned you may need a dictionary/ thesaurus.....

....The Emerald Bile

Screw The Ladies

Some may look at the previous post as an unfunny joke that just flat out bombed, and perhaps they are right. Others may look at it as indictment on the foreign policy of the America hating left, which would be the conclusion that I came to.

Let me explain. I make no bones about being a sexist pig and my humour is usually borderline scatogorically offensive. However in an effort to please some of our female readers that may or may not have been offended by some of our Auroran antics in the past I passed on an email that a cousin from Ireland sent to me. I for one did not find it very funny and had issues with the logistics of it, as there is never fewer than four individuals running a craps table...a boxman, a stickman and two dealers. It just didnt seem plausible and therefore not funny. Regardless I posted it in an effort to "make nice" with the Mammaurorans. Shockingly, it doesnt seem to have worked.

So in closing I would make the correlation to the liberal kowtowing to members of the axis of evil and islamojihadists. In other words...

Appeasement never works.

For The Ladies

THE IRISH BLONDE

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. An attractive blonde from Derry City arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

I Believe The Children Are The Future...Of Jackassery

Columbia Students Against Free Speech


Let us not pass judgment on these poor misguided souls for as hippiebees they know not better. As far as we know they were just angry because they misread the fliers and their severe hunger caused them to lose all rational thought when informed that they would not be receiving free govment subsidized Minute Rice (the preferred foodstuff of any self respecting Mao shirt wearing commie)

Yeah it could be that, or as demonstrated time again, the left are not interested in debate or discussion as demagogy is the path they have chosen. Get a good look at these criminals, you'll probably see them on your local news in the future as, dare I say....anchormen.

But Ill be honest what I was most shocked about was that there is a Young Republican Club at Columbia, but they should have punched them pinkos straight in the ovaries (and Im talking about the men)

Note to students: The 60's are over.

Side By Side On My Piano Keyboard

I found this to be interesting...

EE-Aw!!!

October 9, 2006 Issue
Copyright © 2006 The American Conservative

Trading Places

How to rekindle conversation between Left and Right

by John Zmirak

I remember when liberals and conservatives used to be able to talk to each other. Sure, liberals had an important advantage, since they controlled most of the prestigious media. On the other hand, we conservatives had logic, tradition, and most of the facts on our side—which pretty much leveled the playing field. I was perfectly comfortable as a teenager taking up petitions for Ronald Reagan and ringing doorbells for the Right-to-Life Party candidate for NYC mayor. While it wasn’t easy being the loudest (and almost the only public) conservative at Yale in the 1980s, I felt I had the Truth on my side—and was constantly subjected to criticism from the Left, which honed my ideas and arguments.

Things are different now. Those who call themselves conservatives have entire TV networks and chains of talk-radio stations on their side. They are able to preach to the choir—much as Pacifica Radio, National Public Radio, or campus newspapers in the Ivy League always have on the Left. Today’s self-styled conservatives can go for months without encountering an opposing opinion—and if they happen to hit one, there are hundreds of blogs ready to dismiss the information or arguments they encountered as toxic byproducts of the “Mainstream Media” or “MSM.” Likewise, the Left has plenty of comfy sandboxes where it can play, untroubled by alien ideas.

cont'd

2 + 2 = The Systematic Oppression Of My People Is Holding Me Down

Well who would have thunk it, but it seems George was right about the liberal mathemagic when he accused algore of fuzzy math during their Presidential debate, and as an added bonus it provides us with yet another glaring example of the failed presidency of Bubba. I have long suspected that kids these days are morons, and that the blame lies primarily and squarely (or dare I say, purpley and squidly...look ma no math!) with our failed educational system. However I hate to admit I was unaware of the full jackassery...

"Before the 1989 mistake, U.S. students ranked number-one in international mathematics tests. Since then, U.S. students have dropped to fifteenth, far behind the consistently high performance of Singapore and Japan and behind most industrialized countries."

How could this have happened you ask? Well Im glad you did (dusting off my Clinton bashing gloves)...Could it be Nintendo's fault or maybe the grossly high caloric intake of the McDonalds generation? It might be that, or it could be that...

"...in October 1999 Bill Clinton's Department of Education officially endorsed ten new math courses, based on the 1989 "standards," for grades K-12, calling them"exemplary" or "promising." Local school districts were urged to adopt one of them, and were baited with federal money inducements. One of these department-approved "exemplary" courses, "MathLand," directed the children to meet in small groups and invent their own ways to add, subtract, multiply and divide. It's too bad the kids weren't told that wiser adults have already discovered how to do all those basic computations rapidly and accurately."

My solution would be to follow the advice of Dick the Butcher (bringing Alice the meat, Im like Fred Flintstone drivin around with both feet) when he said that the "first thing we do, is kill all the teachers." Which reminds me of the riddle, if a butcher is 5'10" what does he weigh? But more importantly how can you have any pudding if you dont eat your meat?

schafly

It Aint Easy Being Appeasy

This is not a rebel song, but if it were the revolucion would be televised on al-jazeera. First of all I would like to congratulate the "religion of peace" on continually disproving that they are a religion of violence. Secondly I will contradict myself and say this has nothing to do with religion, no more than bingo is representative of Catholicism (now if you said pancake breakfast you might be onto something) Yeah yeah I know, the Koran says kill whitey and all, or was that the black panthers handbook... I oft get them confused. But, doesnt the Koran also preach a conversion process and heavy taxation (now it makes sense why liberals love terrorists) of the infidels before resorting to the sword? Not sure about anyone else, but I havent been asked to grow a beard yet (I am however open to the idea of multiple wives) This is a armed political movement cloaked in faith, and you know things are getting bad when the cheese eating appeasing monkeys are talking tough.

However, not all officers on the ground accept that essentially secular interpretation. Michel Thoomis, the secretary general of the hardline Action Police trade union, has written to Mr Sarkozy warning of an "intifada" on the estates and demanding that officers be given armoured cars in the most dangerous areas.
He said yesterday: "We are in a state of civil war, orchestrated by radical Islamists. This is not a question of urban violence any more, it is an intifada, with stones and Molotov cocktails. You no longer see two or three youths confronting police, you see whole tower blocks emptying into the streets to set their 'comrades' free when they are arrested."
He added: "We need armoured vehicles and water cannon. They are the only things that can disperse crowds of hundreds of people who are trying to kill police and burn their vehicles."

story

Smelly Pirate Hooker Of The Week

click me

previous

True Dat

"At least liberals are finally exhibiting a moral compass about something. I am sure that they'd be equally outraged if Rep. Mark Foley were a Democrat. The object lesson of Foley's inappropriate e-mails to male pages is that when a Republican congressman is caught in a sex scandal, he immediately resigns and crawls off into a hole in abject embarrassment. Democrats get snippy."

ac

SCRATCH

SNIFF

If The Page Is Underage Then Put The Perps In A Cage

As soon as the Foley story broke, I made my position perfectly clear from the git go, those that knew gots to be through. From Hastert (depending on what he knew and when) to the individual or news agency that held the story (for how long???) before it was leaked all the way down the line to AOL for being a crappy isp and losing me money in their crappy stock. I have tried to avoid being partisan, for I see this as a criminal issue, and crime and corruption is neither red nor blue. But as I troll the liberal blogs and tune in to MSNBC I cant help but see a double standard. They truly are frickin morons whose politics are driven strictly by hate.

The Republican Party has proven that they do not deserve to keep Congress, but the Democrats have proven they deserve it less, but if they somehow manage it, the ensuing two years of jackassery will, unless major changes take place in the dem party result in the permanent demise of the modern day democratic party. You heard it here first. And now for a different take you wont see on the MSM...

"We have a lot more questions about this whole affair. The timing of the revelations, as we noted, couldn't be more propitious for the Democrats. Turns out both the Democrats and several newspapers seem to have known about Foley's problem as far back as November, according to research by several enterprising blogs.
Why didn't they come forward then? Who dredged up these e-mails -- and why did they hold them until now? This reeks of political trickery.
We're glad Foley's gone. He betrayed Congress, his party and the trust of the 33 pages who serve in Congress, and their parents. He behaved immorally, and we won't be surprised at new revelations.
That said, if this scandal is the Democrats' answer to their problems at the polls, it's pretty pathetic. It shows a base contempt for the voters."

Ibd

Like I said before "all that knew must be through" (sorry Im reading Johnny Cochrans book, Im a rhyming fool lately)

ALL... Dems....GOPs....ALL

EE-Aw!!!

...speaking of rhyming, keeping with new Auroran tradition of bringing you the best in parlour gaming...ya gots to check out "The Irish Rhyming Game". You dont have to be drunk, I mean Irish to play it, you just have to be drunk to enjoy it.

More evidence of liberal media bias..

And of course the hypocrisy of the left.

Since when have the Democrats ever insisted a politician be held accountable for a sex scandal involving a staffer, let alone the politician’s party leaders? Take Senator Durbin. Did he vote on any impeachment counts against President Clinton for perjury or obstruction of justice over Clinton’s sexual relations with intern Monica Lewinsky?

And what about Clinton himself?

In 2001, President Clinton, who had his own intern problem, commuted the prison sentence of Illinois Rep. Mel Reynolds, who had sex with a 16-year-old campaign volunteer and pressured her to lie about it. (Reynolds also was convicted of campaign spending violations.)

Read it Here:

Excuses Are Like Jackassholes

Breaking News: Through his attorney, Donkeyhue (A) - NY has made the following statement from an undisclosed location (ok, its a pub). "The reason that I vote conservative and date women is because while just an innocent fourteen year old freshman I was molested by a buxom Young Republican cheerleader. Whilst this molestation lasted no more than two minutes, the mental images, um scarring remain to this day. I would also like to declare that I am a Straight-American. I take full responsibility for my years of drunken promiscuity and perennial bachelor ways. I am currently involved in a recovery program requiring that I only drink light beer and sleep with fat ugly hippie chicks. Thank you for your understanding and continued support"

Mr Nickels

You ever hear that expression..."If I had a nickel for everytime I heard that"...there are various incarnations and denominations but you catch my drift (sorry bout that, I had chimichungas for lunch) Heck if I had a nickel for everytime Ive heard that phrase, Id be knee deep in about three hundy by now...Legs Diamondz for lunch anyone?

Most people naturally assume that the vast fortune of William Gates was amassed through the sales and distribution of Windows, well Im here set the record straight. While yes it is indeed true that a good chunk of Bill's dollars were earned from his equity stake in Mr Softy stock (roughly 30%of his net worth), it has been learned by the financial wing of The Aurora that that is only half the story, ok thirty percent of the story.

It seems that young Billy was a huge Dustin Hoffman fan, but due to an ear infection he misheard that famous line from The Graduate. For five years he was under the impression that "patents" was the one word he should know about. I guess he wasnt listening. So here he is with what he believes is the key to the future, yet not knowing how to use it. The next half decade is not spent chasing girls or playing sports, its trying to devise a formula or invention to "patent". But alas it was all for naught.

Fast forward to his first year at Harvard, and hes all but put away those young boy ways. But then something creepy happens...the burgarly of the Watergate hotel, and the ensuing scandal known forever more as Watergate-gate.

Now Billy was no dummy, and taking Mr. McGuire's advice...all he had to do now was look at his not yet suspended drivers license, bank on the fact that the media would show a complete lack of originality for the next thirty years and rush on down to the USPTO and patent both the singular as well as plural or his surname.

Now grab a pencil and/or calculator...

35 billion dollars divided by a nickel

You do the math.

Sad but True

Scandal? Disgrace? I think not. Foley and others could only be so labeled if popular culture condemned, rather than promoted, immorality. Oh, sorry, there I go again, appealing to a discarded standard.

Cal Thomas

Betty Ford Is For Quitters

In late breaking news, it has been reported that six term jackass Donkeyhue (A)- NY has admitted himself into the Rosalynn Carter Center for an unknown chemical dependency(ok its whiskey) There is rampant speculation on the hill that it is a thinly veiled ruse to illicit sympathy after a yearlong tirade of homophobic hippie bashing, trogloditic misogyny, racist fascism, canadian commie hating, war mongering, bushie boot-stepping, flyfishing, rhino-poaching, oprahysteria, civil liberty infringing, bad pun telling, siren stealing, improper anecdote telling, buchanan and coulter man crushing nazi. According to his attorney, the Donkey is just a "drunk". Donkey was unavailable for comment as he was passed out in a pool of regurgitated Tulla.

More on Free Speech

"[L]et them stand undisturbed as monuments of the safety with which error of opinion may be tolerated where reason is left free to combat it."

-- Thomas Jefferson (First Inaugural Address, 4 March 1801)

The Shamrock vs El Sombrero

Just like the epic Auroran battles between the Rhino and I, the result was the same this past Friday night at Madison Square Garden when Derryman John Duddy faced Mexican Luis Ramón "Yori Boy" Campas in an IBA middleweight title fight. The Irishman took soom lumps but in the end proved to be the better man and emerged victorious. Right there yer man!

photos courtesy of Emily Harney

Whatever Happened to Free Speech?

Tolerance has been one of the virtues of western civilization. But virtues can be carried to extremes that turn them into vices. Toleration of intolerance is a particularly dangerous vice to which western nations are succumbing, both within their own countries and internationally.
Double standards are being wrapped in the mantle of morality. The drive to extend Geneva convention protection to terrorists who are not covered under the Geneva convention is one of a number of dangerous self-indulgences by people who seem to think that being morally one-up is the ultimate and survival is secondary.
Senator Lindsey Graham's comment that we are going to win in our struggle with terrorists "because we are better" was all too typical of this mindset.
It would be hard to know which would be worse -- if he said it as just some offhand political rhetoric or whether he is really fatuous enough to believe it and irresponsible enough to gamble American lives rather than extract murderous secrets from captured cutthroats.

Thomas Sowell

Cinema Paradonkey

I had the opportunity to partake in an evening of cinema over the weekend. Being the dignified gentleman that I am, I dress for the occasion, similar to how one would dress for a 1920's baseball game or air travel in its infancy years ago. Thats right, suit and tie, perhaps even an ascot and top-hat (removed ever so polititely once indoors) I try to show a level of respect not only for my fellow patrons but for the art of film as well. It is afterall a social event of high cultural value and deserves to treated as such.

Being considerate and conscious that a rumbling stomach might disturb the viewing experience of my theater going neighbors, as most of my nights start, I stopped by my local fondue-monger to enjoy some haute cuisine of vino and chez (thats french for wine and cheese) as I listened to the jazz fusion stylings of the Gus Polinski Trio (very big in Sheboygan)

Back to the point of this post. I saw Jackass 2. I can honestly say it was one of the funniest movies I have seen. Big fan, but then again Im a classy guy. Not for the faint of heart no doubt, but if you enjoy violent slapstick fart puke shit fat midget sagging titties and dick jokes then this is the movie for you.

Whoever Knew Must Be Through

Innocent until proven guilty blah blah blah. Now that Ive got the legal mumbo jumbo out of the way, I will say this...

Foley needs to be arrested and brought up on charges befitting a pedophile sexual predator. If found guilty, he needs to have his sack cut off and force fed to him. Just as importantly, anyone that had knowledge of these indespicable and illegal emails needs to resign and step down. I dont give a shite if this a a hotly contested election year (and we all know, thats what you were thinking). Damage control should be about protecting kids from sick bastards, not holding onto congressional seats. Youve failed the public trust...youve lost your D.C. privileges. Now be gone and stay gone.