RACEcar Is A Palindrome

Heres the funny thing about the Congresswoman McKinney situation. Its obviously all about race (poor lil victim) but ponder this if she was white and the guard was black would it still be about race? Of course...because EVERY GOD DAMN THING IN THIS FRICKIN COUNTRY IS ABOUT RACE. How about this... the jackass McKinney forgot to display her congress id pin, and when confronted with standard security procedure which is obviously beneath such a distinguished individual such as herself she resorts to violence. Let me guess... shes tough on crime and security but only when shes pandering to voters and not when it inconvienences her by 10 seconds to walk thru a metal detector. Reason #3782 why I hate people.

Remember The Hertz

I say this with all sincerity as an original Los Angelean born in beautiful downtown Burbank. Shouldnt we just cut our losses give California back to Mexico then get all Lex Luther on their asses and t-n-t the San Andreas fault then build a boardwalk in Vegas.



Viva la chalupa!!!

Apeman

I think I'm so sophisticated 'cos I'm living my life like a good homosapien But all around me everybody's multiplying Till they're walking round like flies man So I'm no better than the animals sitting in their cages In the zoo man 'cos compared to the flowers and the birds and the trees I am an ape man I think I'm so educated and I'm so civilized 'cos I'm a strict vegetarian But with the over-population and inflation and starvation And the crazy politicians I don't feel safe in this world no more I don't want to die in a nuclear war I want to sail away to a distant shore and make like an ape man I'm an ape man, I'm an ape ape man Oh, I'm an ape man I'm a king kong man, I'm a voodoo man, oh I'm ape ape man 'cos compared to the sun that sits in the sky Compared to the clouds as they roll by Compared to the bugs and the spiders and flies I am an ape man In man's evolution he has created the cities and The motor traffic rumble, but give me half a chance And I'd be taking off my clothes and living in the jungle 'cos the only time that I feel at ease Is swinging up and down in a coconut tree Oh what a life of luxury to be like an ape man I'm an ape, I'm an ape ape man, Oh I'm an ape man I'm a king kong man, I'm a voo-doo man Oh I'm an ape man I look out the window, but I can't see the sky 'cos the air pollution is fogging up my eyes I want to get out of this city alive And make like an ape man Come and love me, be my ape man girl And we will be so happy in my ape man world I'm an ape man, I'm an ape ape man, Oh I'm an ape man I'm a king kong man, I'm a voo-doo man Oh I'm an ape man I'll be your tarzan, you'll be my jane I'll keep you warm and you'll keep me sane we'll sit in the trees and eat bananas all day Just like an ape man I'm an ape man, I'm an ape ape man, Oh I'm an ape man I'm a king kong man, I'm a voo-doo man Oh I'm an ape man. I don't feel safe in this world no more I don't want to die in a nuclear war I want to sail away to a distant shore And make like an ape man.

R Davies

Just an absolutely great song on a great album if you dont own it buy it now.

Perception Is Not Reality

So Im in an elevator the other day and if I can say so myself I was looking handsome. Now mind you Im not an attractive man quite ugly to be exact but a custom suit and five hundred dollar shoes can dress up even a hilljack such as myself. Allow myself to introduce...myself! The reason I mention this is not to be a big shot, which I am, but because besides me in the elevator was a messenger that looked the opposite of me...black disheveled sweaty and young. I want to point out the contrast. Good kid. He had a Mets hat on and we got along great talking baseball until around the tenth floor. At which point I cut one. End of conversation. Understood, I broke protocol.

Fourteenth floor opens and unfortunately its neither of our floors, enter an absolutely stunning beauty with tits to Timbuktu. She sniffs she smells she looks at me she looks at him she looks back at me as we both roll our eyes at the dirty messenger farter. We make small talk as we share our little secret of snobbery that makes us feel better than the aromatic elevator passenger beside us.

Shame on her for letting pinstripes cloud her perception of the picante reality which was my lunch. Shame on me for allowing it to happen, but are you fuckin kidding me she was hot. Every man for himself. So to the messenger in the Mets hats...my bad!

Pussiliency Is Wrong

A Hot Dog Program

Its about that time folks. With Opening Day at Shea coming up on Monday April 3 2006 (The Fly and I will be there...will you?) and springtime is in the air which means B-B-Q season is upon us. I would like to address one of America's greatest treasures.

Or more appropriately as Fly's older brother and my brother-in-law answered when asked many moons ago in a a game of Scattergories on the Old Quidnet Milk Route of Nantucket ... name the top 10 things that a tourist carries....

His answer of course was...

HOT DOGS

I didnt have the heart to tell him it wasnt correct (either that or we were all too hopped up on nitrous to even bother) and for years bless his heart he believed he made the game winning shot in the championship game. So I think its only appropriate that I quote Frank Zappa, who my bro-in-law turned me onto despite my rock n roll and metal ways (b4 I knew FZ was a guitar God).

I ate a hot dog
It tasted real good

Which brings me to the point of this post. Hot Dogs...did you guess correctly. There is a PBS documentary called 'A Hot Dog Program' (not to be confused with The Hot Dog Movie which in its own genre represented the greatness of 80's ski movie cheddar) which for my bang for my buck is one of the greatest docs Ive ever seen. I own it on DVD have given it for gifts and yet if I catch it while flipping channels will watch it to the end. Essentially its a virtual tour of the United States of America and a visit upon the local cultures that it encounters. Ive never been to Macon Georgia but I know they put cole slaw on their hot dogs and I like it. Ive never been to Anchorage Alaska but I know M.A. makes his dogs out of reindeer and only works one day during the winter (opening day of the Iditarod)

I guess what Im trying to say is that we as a country disagree on so many things and maybe live our life with different toppings and flavors, but in the end it comes down to the meat in bun which is America and come Opening Day I know the Fly and I will celebrate all of you by screaming at the top of our lungs

Hey beer dude... two cold ones over here and send us the dogs

for the record Ive had 7 of the 22 on the show and counting...
for more info click on coney (the pic for non NY'ers)

NEWS FLASH!!!

There once was a man that was an Auroran

whose poetry became such a bore yawn

We showed him the door

But hes still our lil Fly whore

Id make love to his blog if it was a woman

The reclusive and elusive Gadfly has finally posted a new entry on his personal blog 'The Means Meant the End' (TMMTE on the link bar to the right) He may be a pinko commie tree hugger but hes probaly the only one of us that has any real talent *cough*poet*cough* so check it out.

Jail Time for Illegals?

That's right, cross the border illegally and you get a prison term. The police are aided by the military, and when they catch you, they'll throw you into over crowded prisons that are the subject of numerous human rights violations.

The southern border of the U.S.? No, the southern border of MEXICO!
That's right kids, if you come to Mexico illegally from Guatemala, just looking for work, trying to contribute to the economy, doing the jobs that the Mexicans will not do, you will be sent to jail. Do not pass go, Do not collect a green card.

So we are being lectured by a failed Mexican regime, who passes out pamphlets with instructions on how to break our laws and enter our country illegally, and they are themselves prosecuting and detaining and deporting illegals in their own county.

Read it here............... and here

A Hat

All this talk about hatters in the comments section I feel bad I havent given an official Aurora endorsement and plug to my guys at Arnold Hatters. Their company was one of many victims of the eminent domain abuse by the City of New York and the New York Times and after decades of being in their old location across from the Port Authority are now just growing into their new location a few blocks down. If youre in the neighborhood and in the market for some headgear pop in say hello and make a purchase. The jokes in Yiddish are free (trust me...dont ask em to tell the one about the clock maker). Click on their logo for the website. They do mail order biz as well.


Pussiliency Is Wrong

Straight from the Heroes Mouth

Pjb doesn't think we're doing the right thing? Well i'll see your Buchanan, and i'll raise you an Ollie.


Since U.S. troops entered Iraq three years ago this week, the Iraqi people have held three nationwide elections, written and ratified a constitution and formed their first imperfect but democratically elected government. Yet, compare the number of Google or Lexis-Nexis entries for "Iraqi Elections" with the entries for "Abu Ghraib," and it is amply evident what American editors and publishers consider important news.
It should not, therefore, be a surprise on this third anniversary of OIF's "D-Day" that American public opinion on the war -- whether it is winnable and how it is being managed -- has fallen through the floor. Opponents of the commander in chief are pointing with glee at his sinking poll numbers. His "friends" are running for cover.

Read it Here

What Is 'Democracy'? by PJB

The Aurora has debated the issue of Iraq ad nuaseum (and will continue to do so), and I hate to beat a dead rhino. Once again I will state my position that although "democracy" is a worthwhile goal it is not one thats worth the blood of our soldiers. The original goal of killing terrorists and dismantling wmd's should be our first and only objective. The notion of an Iraqi citizen has ceased to exist. It is now a country of Sunni, Shiaas, and Kurds and if they want democracy let them get it the Smith Barney way...Let them earn it.

I will now let Patrick J Buchanan it from here....

"Though President Bush says democracies do not go to war with one another, would free elections in Egypt, Jordan, Saudi Arabia and Morocco be more or less likely to produce a confrontation with Israel and a demand that the United States get out of the region?
What did the spate of elections in 2005 produce? The Muslim Brotherhood swept 60 percent of the races it contested in Egypt; Hamas won an astonishing victory on the West Bank; Hezbollah and the Amal Militia triumphed in southern Lebanon; the Shia of Ayatollah Sistani and Moqtada al-Sadr emerged as the big winners in Iraq; and Ahmadinejad, who thinks Israel should be wiped off the map, won the presidency of Iran.
Is this kind of "democracy" worth fighting and dying for? And if this is what the Islamic world would do with greater freedom, why not let these folks, as did we, win it for themselves?"

cont'd

The New French Foreign Legion

Sticks and stones

can break your bones

but H2O just gets you wet

Joke Of The Week

Rep. Nancy Pelosi D-Calif., said the Democrats are offering a new direction — "one that is strong and smart, which understands the challenges America faces in a post 9/11 world, and one that demonstrates that Democrats are the party of real national security."

Vivre Le Pomme

Is France on the verge of losing another battle this time vs Apple? Will new French President Steve Jobs use nukes on Redmond Wash?


(Oh Yeah the iPod is the devil. I use and recommend MiniDisc so you can digitally bootleg live shows on the fly)


bite apple for story

Laura Ingraham Digs Me

Another one of my favorite poli-hacks is Laura Ingraham. Her talk radio show can be heard in the NY metro area on WABC between 8 - 10 pm (or streaming audio online here) Shes one tough broad, very funny and very smart. She recently took David Gregory (and the majors) to task for being whiny liberal nancyboys. Click on the pic to watch the vid.

It reminded me of the time a few years back when the Rhino and I went to a fundraising live broadcast of her radio show. As I recall Darrell Hammond from SNL was a guest and he was hilarious doing Bush impersonations. Anyways this broad Laura was throwing me some serious fuck me eyes the entire show, and I knew that all I had to do was throw some vocals at her and she was done. I enrolled the Rhino into my plan to use the good cop/bad cop approach or more accurately the zamboni driver/cartographer scheme. So after the show during the book signing all is going according to plan and Rhino hits her with the zamboni opener and all thats left is for me to do is come in with dreaded cartographer close and as our esteemed colleague Warlike would say...it was curtains. What happens next remains to this day a mystery to me. Rhino lost his nerve and was unusually PUSILLANIMOUS. When confronted with the expected buy sign..."zamboni driver? really?" He folds like a frickin Chinese launderer, and the gig is up and all Im left with is a signed book saying:

Donkey,

I woulda banged ya,

but your friend

is a zamboni fraud

Love,

Laura

Is Fame Even Famous Anymore

Whats the big fuss about this kid. 41 hours in a Wal-Mart??? Big fricking whoop. When I was his age I used to routinely pull 72 hour binge fests in a Motel 6 with 2 crack whores an 8 ball 3 bottles of MadDog and a partridge in a pear tree...no Subway, no dvd's, no video games. Where was my call from Letterman.

this parable was brought to you by a madman, the aurora does not condone the use of crack cocaine, crackwhores, and esp. motel 6. the aurora does however endorse md2020

The Great Star Wars In The Sky

R.I.P.

Caspar W. Weinberger

August 18, 1917 - March 28, 2006

A great American and a Patriot

Godspeed

Life Lessons From Vegas

Back from Vegas after being bumped from my Sunday night flight. Note to Continental...suck it bio-tches. Good time was had by all and am glad to report there were no arrests. As some of you that have gambled with me know Im pretty aggressive at the tables (blackjack and craps are my game) Im sad to report to those that may care that after two days of hardcore gambling I was getting my ass handed to me rather badly. So on the third day I decided to take it easy and just lollygag around town to kill some time. As chance would have it I ended up at the New York New York casino at an Irish pub to throw back a few pints (go figure fly thousands of miles to drink in a pub in NY NY) Anyways so Im standing around waiting for a few friends so I decided to throw a few bucks in a slot machine (which I never play) to pass the time.

BAM

Fours sevens jackpot!!! Are you frickin kidding me. Im jumping up and down like a pensioner on The Price Is Right looking for a makeout from Barker. I call the attendant over to collect my winnings.

BAM

Im informed because I only bet a dollar and didnt bet max I won nothing nada thanks for playing. Try again. No thanks. I make my way to Nine Fine Irishmens Pub to drown my sorrow, but as Im about to order I get a gut feeling to head back to that machine. Long story short i didnt hit another jackpot but did hit quite a few smaller ones that put me just about even for the trip.

I guess what Im trying to say is that stepping outside your comfort zone sometimes yields positive results and that Continental Airlines sucks arse.

on a side note the infamous Vegas Gentlemans Club has now officially changed its name to the Spearmint Donkey

EE-Aw!!

Take This Job and Shove It?

"They are doing the jobs that Americans just won't do" U.S. President George W Bush
"they're willing to take jobs that even blacks won't do." Mexican president Vicente Fox

What jobs would that be? I haven't heard of any jobs that American citizens won't do.
The situation very simply is that businesses big and small are taking advantage of cheap illegal labor. There is no job that Americans will not do.

According to the Center for Immigration Studies, illegal immigrants make up 17% of workers in building and maintenance, 14% in private households, 13% in the hospitality industry, and 11% in food preparation and serving.
Are these the jobs that Americans won't do?
Lets pass this new law, and make it a felony to employ illegal aliens and lets build that fence.

This Just In.....

The main stream media hates George Bush! Yes i know it's hard for most of you to believe, but i think there might be a little tiny slight bit of a liberal media bias.

Actually, i don't even know why this is news. But if anyone cares, here's the rest of the story.

Have you Considered the Boot?

"Tyranny truly is a horror: an immense, endlessly bloody, endlessly painful, endlessly varied, endless crime against not humanity in the abstract but a lot of humans in the flesh. It is, as Orwell wrote, a jackboot forever stomping on a human face. "I understand why some dislike the idea, and fear the ramifications, of America as a liberator. But I do not understand why they do not see that anything is better than life with your face under the boot. And that any rescue of a people under the boot (be they Afghan, Kuwaiti, or Iraqi) is something to be desired. Even if the rescue is less than perfectly realized. Even if the rescuer is a great, overmuscled, bossy, selfish oaf. Or would you, for yourself, choose the boot?"

Michael Kelly, the Atlantic Monthly editor-at-large and Washington Post columnist who abandoned the safety of editorial offices to cover the war in Iraq, was killed while traveling with the Army's 3rd Infantry Division

The rest of the story

Don't you mean RESCUE?

“With Tom’s death, we felt the grief of losing a beloved friend. Today, we rejoice in the release of our friends Harmeet, Jim and Norman. We continue to pray for a swift and joyful homecoming for the many Iraqis and internationals who long to be reunited with their families.

It's a good thing our soldiers don't hold a grudge, or i think harmeet, jim, and norman would still be sitting there. Welcome back guys i'm glad you're ok. Now why don't you go home and live in peace under the protective umbrella of the U.S. Military. It's ok, they don't discriminate, they protect us all, even people who call them occupiers, and try to hurt their mission.


Read the rest here.

Vegas Baby!

Time to dust off the ol' polyster Griswold leisure suit. In about four hours Ill be leaving on a jetblue plane dont know when ill be back again, actually Ill be back Sunday. Going to Vegas for two bachelor parties, um I mean to do charity work to help feed the poor and teach the illiterate how to fish. Be well Aurorans.

Click sign to roll wit me.

Same as Family

“Our country! In her intercourse with foreign nations may she always be in the right; but our country right or wrong.”

Commodore Stephen Decatur

That statement pretty much sums it up for me.

Read the story here

M.O.T.W

Previous

Spitzer Hates Poor People Update

"Someone needs to explain to Attorney General Eliot Spitzer's gubernatorial- campaign brainiacs that class warfare only works as a political tactic when you attack rich people." Bob Barr

cont'd

Can You Tell Me How To Get...

One of my prior posts addressed the possible correlation between Christine Todd Whitman and the species Erketu ellisoni. Upon further review of my data, I came to a startling conclusion.

Christine Todd Whitman, to be referred to as CTW going forward was always an enigma to me, couldnt quite figure out what her deal was. The Childrens Televison Worksop producer of the beloved Sesame Street is also referred to as CTW. And everyone knows that SS is home to Big Bird (notice resemblance in prior post) Seeing that my first official on the books job when I was 15 years old was wearing a Cookie Monster costume at the local mall (made fifteen bucks for three hours work...sweet!!!) this makes me some sort of expert on the matter, so my calculations are undebateable.

So if CTW produces BB
And BB lives on SS
Then CTW must = SS

Christine Todd Whitman is SS?

That cant be. CTW is considered a moderate to most and has been at odds with the current admin on numerous occasions, but this formula indicates that CTW was just another foot soldier in the armed wing of the Republican party, or as liberals so describe them as nazis.

Now what always bothered me was the love/hate relationship that CTW and GWB have had. CTW was co-chair with GWB of the RNC in 1996 and was mentioned as a possible running mate to GWB in 2000. Politics makes peculiar bedfellows indeed...or does it? GWB ran as a compassionate conservative which didnt strike me at the time for what it was, but its clear now that he meant social issues conservative, social programs liberal (Hey big spender put the frickin checkbook down already) CTW is a fiscal conservative and social liberal. But I think theres more to the story.

After the election of GWB, CTW was soon named as head of the EPA. On the surface it looks like your typical political squid pro row, but then I remembered how in Indiana Jones the nazis were trying to to find and use the Lost Arc for diabolical purposes. Couldnt perhaps CTW have been a plant at the the EPA to create a dust storm about Global Warming but who's true purpose was to oversee the search for the fossilized remains of aforementioned Erketu ellisoni, whose discovery would surely embarrass CTW personally as the Big Bird missing link and humiliate GWB by proving the Theory of Evolution and shattering his personal belief system of Creationism as a Bjorn Borg again. Makes you think doesnt it?

Or maybe the Donkey has been grazing too much grass again

this post was sponsored by the letters T H and C

Donkey Approved

My name is Donkeyhue and Im a newsaholic.

Ok I got that out of the way and admitting the problem is the first step. The only problem is that as a conservative I dont have many options. Ill watch O'Reilly or Hannity every now and then if they have good guests, but the truth is they annoy the hell out of me. Goes without saying I like The McLaughlin Group with Patrick J Buchanan as a regular but Im usually at church or curled up in a fetal position swimming in a pool of Jamesons behind some Irish pub Sunday mornings so I usually miss it.

The only one thats cant miss TV for me is The Situation with Tucker Carlson. The show is sometimes informative, always hilariously entertaining, and has some good political debating to boot. Tonight they debated the correlation between same sex and multiple partner marriages and then had a dancer pontificating on the health benefits of burlesque while belly dancing. He mirrors the majority of my positions yet is fair by having all sides on and actually gives them a chance to make their point before he crushes them like a libertarian avalanche.

Some would call him a smug condescending prick, but he cracks me up so I just think hes a jackass...and thats why his show is the first to be officially endorsed by The Aurora. 11pm MSNBC Check it out.

Missing Link Found

I may be ready to concede the merits of the Theory of Evolution

Click Big Bird to discover why

The Truth is Out There

"There was no question in our minds that there was a relationship between Iraq
and Al Qaida"

9/11 commission chairman Thomas Kean

Well now we're starting to see the documents that led the 9/11 commission to believe that. I am not expecting to see a big report on this in the slimes, so i thought i would try to bring it to light here at The Aurora.
According to documents recently released by the Bush administration, there certainly was a relationship, in fact these documents reveal the following:

That OBL and the Taliban are in contact with Iraq and that a group of Taliban and bin Laden group members visited Iraq.
That the U.S. has proof the Iraqi government and "bin Laden's group" agreed to cooperate to attack targets inside America.
That in case the Taliban and bin Laden's group turn out to be involved in "these destructive operations," the U.S. may strike Iraq and Afghanistan.
That the Afghani consul heard about the issue of Iraq's relationship with "bin Laden's group" while he was in Iran.

There is of course also the testimony of the former Iraqi air force general who says saddam had WMD.

Now i have many problems with the current administration, i have stated them in the past here at The Aurora, but i have never wavered on Iraq. In a post 9/11 world, with the intelligence telling us saddam had WMD and contact with al qaida, i thought the president did the right thing. When we thought the intelligence was wrong, i still supported the presidents decision, because i felt that based on the info he had he did the right thing.
The anti war argument was and is, that saddam didn't have WMD, and that even if he did, there was no connection to 9/11.
After the 9/11 commission report came out, i expected the argument to die, but it seems no one cared that the commission said there was a relationship. I saw many stories in the press about the commission, but none really talking much about the connection.
Now we have even more proof of the connection and the WMD.
So will we see universal support for the war in Iraq now?
Will Cindy Sheehan and George Clooney and their ilk apologize?
Somehow i doubt it, but i wonder what the readers of The Aurora have to say?

Read more here and here

I Resemble Those Remarks

click me

drink me

The Old Grey Lady Is A Lying Whore

Say it aint so

...the Times got another story wrong?

Lied about Iraq?

Nah?

Ok maybe they did

... story

Spitzer Versus The Poor

Im too tired and hungover...so all Ill say is that Eliot is a horse's ass.

Click ass

Don't Tread On Me Paddy

(in bad Bush I voice) Naga do it. Wouldn't be prudent...

St Patrick was a bigot. How else can you explain his persecution and expulsion of snakes from Ireland. Now only the Irish readers stand up.

PaTricK Put U In O'Bondage

Legged Nationalism is what put you in bondage

Saints and priests like Seamus, Brendan, and Bridget

Drank the blood of the snakes,

jigged all over them with Guinness, clovers, and irish rovers

In Christian lore, snakes are characterized as being devilish temptors and evil incarnate. However in the Hindu faith snakes are second only to the cow in their sacredness. So in essence wouldn't Patrick's anti-serpentic attitude towards our legless friends in the grass constitute a deep rooted anti-Hinduism. Now is that the kind of saint you want representing you, I sure as hell don't, I tolerate no fools especially anti-gungadinnites.

Now all you Donovan and Riki Tiki Tavi fans out there may take great glee in 'the mans' continued oppression of the Ophidian-Irish-American race, but not I. I look back at my youth now with shame for the summer I hustled video games at the arcade so I could finally afford a BMX bike, a Mongoose to be exact...a snake killer.

My days of drinking green beer in revelry and reverence to St Patrick the Snake Hater are no more. I will be dusting of my trusty old punji, moving to India and commence my new career as a charmer to be rectifying me past transgressions.

...but there is hope, my own personal patron Saint of drunken barroom brawling and debauchery Shane MacGowan has brought The Snake back to Ireland and hopefully has stopped the vicious cycle of Squamatism

Happy St Patricks Day

Democrats Hate Black People

Im sorry I should correct that. Democrats hate successful black people that dont vote for them or agree with them, such as Lt Gov Michael Steele of Maryland. These are the same people that ran "racist" Trent Lott out of town for saying a few kind words for an old mans 100th birthday party...yet when members of their party (a staff member of U.S. Sen. Charles Schumer, D-N.Y) commits a felony to disparage a good "black" mans name because he may or may not have financial difficulties, little a peep is heard. Here you have The Congressional Black Caucus and the NAACP still busy blaming Katrina on a "racist" Bush, while an actual case of "The man" (schumer) trying to "hold" a "brotha" (Steele) down and not a word is said, not a rally held, not a march to be well um i guess marched. One of these days soon the divisive, separtist, and racist policies and the arrogant manner in which the dem's take the African American vote for granted will come back to haunt them, and when asked of my prediction for the future of the democratic party I will quote the great Southside Slugger Clubber Lang.

My prediction?

PAIN!!!

wrist slap for the democratic criminal?

yet another lazy updated re-post

Seal Pups- Its Whats For Dinner ©

Club the seal for story

© Lily's Dad

The Roe Effect

The Roe effect, a phrase that was coined by James Taranto of The Wall Street journal. Basically his theory is that the more liberal you are, the more likely you are to have an abortion, therefore liberals will have less children. Conversely conservatives will have more children, and the world in general has and will continue to become more conservative.
I read another story basically backing the theory up, but including some other factors. I found it very interesting, and i thought i should warn you hippies out there. You better start popping out some kids pretty soon, you're in danger of becoming extinct.
Read the story here

Legalize The Irish

Here's the problem with these pictures. Why arent they wearing them? Thats the problem with politicians these days, they lack heart. What would Reagan or Bubba have done? Of course they wouldve thrown em over their necks, threw down a pint, and sang the Rare Old Mountain Dew. Love em or hate em they had character. The Irish-American voting block is still a force to be reckoned with and for these two liberals, not a vote to be taken for granted like in the old days. The middle class union donkey vote is no longer guaranteed to the dems.


Put the damn shirt on ya damn hippies

Especially considering teddy is Irish, and Hillary was married to a bastard love child of a drunken donkey. (on a side note I would like to add that as much as I despise Bubba and incessantly insult him, two things I give him credit for were opening up GPS for civilian use, and his genuine concern and involvement in the Northern Irish Peace Process.) I dont know why Im really posting about this, considering I dont agree with the politics of this organization as a whole regarding amnesty for illegal aliens, (I think considering the great sacrifices and contributions the Irish have made there should be a blanket exception for them and a select few) However being that me ma was illegal and the t-shirts are pretty cool. (on sale at O'Neills on 45th and 3rd) Ill give em a plug. Click on pic to learn more.

Republican Art Appreciation Hour

This guy, Julian Beever does some pretty cool 3D pavement art. Click on the globe to check out some of his other work.

brought to you by the N EE Aw!!

Kids say the darndest things...

White Nationalism Put U In Bondage
White nationalism is what put you in bondage
Pirate and vampires like Columbus, Morgan, and Darwin
Drank the blood of the sheep, trampled all over them with
Steel, tricks and deceit.
Nothing has changed take a look in our streets
The mis-education of she and Hegro — leaves you on your knee2grow
Black lands taken from your hands, by vampires with no remorse
They took the gold, the wisdom and all of the storytellers
They took the black women, with the black man weak
Made to watch as they changed the paradigm
Of our village

Read the rest here

Were Gonna Be Up One Hundy By Midnight

Congratulations to Maxim Magazine on their 100th issue. As a charter subscriber, and your average run of the mill chauvinistic misogynistic neanderthal I applaud you irreverant debaucherous take on tings . Kudos good men, kudos!... for focusing on the things that really matter. Nay politics, nay social revolution... but the important things in life that make my cogswell cog and my spacely sprocket...Women, Beer, and Gadgets.

EE-Aw!!!

How can you have any pudding if you dont eat your meat?

"This is a Republican Frenzy! I'm Republican, And I'm having a frenzy!" FZ

If there has ever been any doubt that inside every liberal is a pinko commie bastard dying to get out, look no further than their oft repeated mantra... "separation of church and state" Where the hell did they get that idea??? Well actually they are correct in that, that specific phrase is indeed mentioned in the constitution...Article 52 [Religion] In fact...

Article 52 [Religion] (1) Citizens of the BLANK are guaranteed freedom of conscience, that is, the right to profess or not to profess any religion, and to conduct religious worship or atheistic propaganda. Incitement of hostility or hatred on religious grounds is prohibited.(2) In the BLANK, the church is separated from the state, and the school from the church.

... only problem is that it is in the The Constitution of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics

The Establishment Clause makes no mention nor does it imply that there should be a wall between "church and state". In fact it states the opposite, that there should be NO government interference whatsoever.

Bill of Rights Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

I know I know, before you commies even say it..yes Thomas Jefferson did mention "the Wall" in a letter to the Danbury Baptist Association in 1802 , but that is as relevant as the Pink Floyd album of the same name inasmuch that neither of them are the actual Constitution of The United States of America and have no legal bearing on the issue...and that my friends is the crux of the matter...ask 100 people on the street if "separation of church and state" is in the Constitution and Ill bet you dollars to donuts that the majority would answer that it is.

WRONG JACKASSES!!!

There is no room for interpretation. There is no need to discuss. If the Framers had intended this to be a God-less nation then why the hell would they inundate our political, social, and fiscal culture with Judeo-Christian imagery? Once again the commie secularists use the age old tactic of repeating a falsehood enough times in hope that people will eventually believe it to be fact...unfortunately for America...it's working.

orig posted 9/22/05...Im getting lazy

Hippie Of The Week

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Thanks

Shouldnt take a holiday or an election to support our boys and girls in uniform. Agree or not with the war, drop em a line and let them know youre with them.

My Soldier
Any Soldier
Forgotten Soldiers
Operation Dear Abby
Soldiers Angels
To Our Soldiers

Foster And Milosevic Sitting In A Tree

Just asking...

Lets say you are a likely Presidential candidate in '08, and right now public sentiment is overwhelmingly anti-muslim terrorist (even the dems are talking tough, see: Dubai port deal). Now imagine that you were party to an administration that backed a radical Islamic terrorist organization such as the KLA that murdered Christians and burned down churches. KLA? Whos that? you say...or at least thats what most people would ask (not our astute Aurorans out in Auroraland) Well its been some years and has been forgotten in most peoples mind, but what would you do if you were aforementioned candidate and a lenghty trial over the next two years could possibly reveal embarrassing political details of your involvement with said terrorist group and without a doubt derail you Presidential bid. What would you do?

perhaps?

Toto I Dont Think Were In Tiananmen Anymore

Once again the commie chicken little are running around with their heads cut off, or more appropriately their brains cut out. Its always the same thing with these people when they feel they have been wronged. Its nazi this or fascist that, or McCarthy that or censor this. Which brings me to my point. They are up in arms that a theater in NYC is not going to run a blatantly anti-Semitic play called "My name is Rachel Corrie". To sum up the plot... Israel bad, Palestinian suicide bombers good. Im no theater critic, but it doesnt take Roger Ebert (only critic whose name I know) to realize that aint gonna fly on Broadway. If a private company decides it doesnt want to alienate its customers base i.e lose money and opts not to sell a money losing product, that is not censorship its smart business acumen.

Three years ago Rachel Corrie, a radical activist belonging to the International Solidarity Movement (such a pleasant sounding group) died while protesting the destruction of homes in the Gaza Strip known to have been used by Hamas to smuggle weapons from Egypt. No doubt its a tragedy. A tragedy that a beautiful young idealist was used as a pawn by terrorists. A tragedy that she didnt have the good sense to not sit down in front of a bulldozer whose blade alone is over six feet high. A tragedy that her family has misdirected their grief and are suing Catepillar, the company the makes the bulldozers. If you dont want to get bulldozed, dont sit in front of bulldozers. The ISM claims to be a non-violent organization, however in their mission statement they say...

"we recognize the Palestinian right to resist Israeli violence and occupation via legitimate armed struggle"

...and have been repeatedly linked to Hamas suicide bombers.

As I said its a shame that a young woman died in her prime, but its more of a shame that it happened while defending killers. I know the sixties have been romanticized, and our idealistic youth want to capture a piece of that, but if they want to make the Middle East a better place...wouldnt it make more sense to start with trying to stop the people that strap explosives onto their person and murder innocents?

Im Sorry Baby

I didnt mean to hurt you.

This is an advance apology for any drunken slanderous slurring slurs likely to occur over the next 48 hours. See as a drunk, my bad, I mean Alcoholic-American, that's no good either, how 'bout ... Irish-American, yeah that'll work (even potatoe eaters deserve political correctness god damnit!!!) Fuckit, Im just a red blooded American damn proud of my green blooded Irish heritage. I am entering into the peak time of The High Holy Days aka St Patricks Day aka March aka The Month I Never Remember. This is the time of year that I abandon my normal identity,and take on the role of...

...duh duh duh

ALKEYHUE

I know I know, it kinda sucks for a superhero name, but it works. Trust me.. So starting today Ill kick off the season by watching Ireland whoop up on Scotland in Six Nations Rugby, drink, watch my nephew and bros march with their pipe band in Joisey, drink, hit on chicks, fail, then drink some more until Im in a self induced coma.

I have locked up all cell phones, blackberrys, pda's, and laptops as a precaution, but if by chance I gain algorenet access and ramble on liquored up on Guinness, Im sorry....it aint the booze, its me. Im just a jackass. EE-Aw!!

For all you animal lovers out there interested in catching a glimpse of the aloofive, I mean elusive Donkeyhue...I will be the drunk handsome guy at the Morristown, NJ St Patrick's Day Parade with my fellow Fenian Bastards (Fly will be easy to spot as well...he'll be the commie) , followed by some mighty good craic at the Craic House.

póg mo thóin

Why Does It Hurt When I Pee

All this Zappa talk got me thinking...

Sometimes you hear a song and it brings back fond memories long forgotten and sometimes it makes you scratch your balls. Growing up in the Finger Lakes region of New York, a favorite past time of my youth was any and all activities involving the water, whether it was boating, H20 skiing, kneeboarding, rope-swinging; but especially swimming. I was always a particularly strong swimmer, and to this day it still remains one of favorite leisurely activities and yet the irony is I live on an island and rarely get a chance besides in my own drunken vomit.

Now, for every yin there is a yang, for every sweet there is the sour, and for every lake story there are ducks. As in duck itch, also known as swimmers itch and medically classified as cercarial dermatitis. You see, although widely considered to be amongst the cleanest of any lakes in this country for their size, it is not uncommon to be afflicted by this condition at a handful of times throughout a swimmers life. The condition is not serious and is extremely short lived, usually two to three days and easily soothed. Needless to say in my pre-adolescent days I was afflicted, sometimes on the legs sometimes on the arms. No big deal.

Now fast forward to the Delinquentzoic Era of my teenage years, where my favorite activities were not so innocent. Bottom line is after one night of drunken skinny-dipping and promiscuous sex with a lovely young lady from the lake, the dreaded duck rash greeted me the next morn in regions that a man would never wish on his enemy. To say the pain and discomfort was unbearable would be an undercarriagestatement but copius oceans of Calamine Lotion were applied to the boys down under and all was well. Four days later the rash and all symptoms were gone.

BUT THE ITCH REMAINED

Short story long, the lovely young lady from the lakes taco stand was an animal lover. In fact she loved animals (in this case, the crustacean variety) so much she decided to share them with me. Talk about a double whammy, being attacked and afflicted by ducks and crabs (sounds like a preppy belt from hell). It wasn't the best week of my youth but being the persistent young man that I was, I was not dissuaded from swimming or from lovely young ladies from of the lakes, I do however to this day hate ducks.

Liberal Teachers Are Hitler

Well they sure as hell are trying real hard to be, thats for sure. Pinkocommie teachers are brainwashing our children much better than any aryan youth program ever did, in fact one could say that Adolf's dream of a Hitlerjugend has been realized in the very country that defeated him. (as Alanis would say...) What Im saying is that our teachers are failing this country as a whole. Charles Smith, executive director of the governing board of the National Assessment of Education Progress, said that...

"just 10% of high school seniors had an adequate grasp of important people, events and concepts in U.S. History. Few for example could identify America's allies and enemies in WWII"

Yet thanks to teachers like Jay Bennish, geography (nay political science, nay history) teacher at Overland High our students are learning that The President of The Unites States of America has "eerie similarities" to Der Fuhrer. Adolf would be proud. Shout out to Sean Allen, student/patriot of Aurora, Co for exposing this jackass.

Now Im not saying all teachers are commies, but any system that allows crackpots such as Bennish to exist is a failing system. I dont buy the usual excuse "that they are trying to challenge our children"

HORSESHIT!!!

They are more concerned with indoctrinating our children with their own personal opinions and political agendas. That is not education. As David Horowitz, founder of Students for Academic Freedom states...

It is not an education when a mid-term examination contains a required essay on the topic, “Explain Why President Bush Is A War Criminal,” as did a criminology exam at the University of Northern Colorado in 2003. It is not an education when a professor of property law harangues his class on why all Republicans are racist as happened at the Colorado University Law School in 2004. It is not an education when a widely-used required “Peace Studies” textbook, described by the professor as a “masterpiece,” explains that the Soviet Union was a force for peace in the Cold War and the United States was not, that “revolutionary violence” is the only justifiable violence, and that the United States is the greatest terrorist state – and does so without making students aware that there are other interpretations of this history and other views that should be considered on these matters. This extremist text, Peace and Conflict Studies, written by two university professors who explain in their preface that they are partisans of the political left is the required “academic” textbook for students in the Peace Studies course at Ohio State University (Marion).

My concern lies primarily in the arena of public schools K-12. That is when and where our children are most vulnerable to liberal goebbelization. There is no denying the prevalence of the radical left on our college campuses, but at least there you have a choice whether to attend or not, a choice you do not have regarding public education. As far as Im concerned, if you choose to attend Yale (or their ilk), be careful what towel you grab in the showers, as there may be American blood on it.

What will you do if we let you go home,

And the plastic's all melted and so is the chrome?

Who are the brain police?
What will you do when the label comes off,

And the plastic's all melted and the chrome is too soft?
Who are the brain police?
What will you do if the people you knew

Were the plastic that melted and the chromium, too?

Who are the brain police?

FZ

EE-Aw!!!

Choice For Men?

So here's the question. Do you believe that a man should have to be responsible for a child that he doesn't want? Shouldn't he be forced to pay child support? What if it was a one night stand? What if he's a professional athlete and some woman is setting him up?
How is it fair that the woman has a choice, but the man doesn't?

More than three decades ago Roe vs. Wade gave women control of their reproductive lives but nothing in the law changed for men. Women can now have sexual intimacy without sacrificing reproductive choice. Women now have the freedom and security to enjoy lovemaking without the fear of forced procreation. Women now have control of their lives after an unplanned conception. But men are routinely forced to give up control, forced to be financially responsible for choices only women are permitted to make, forced to relinquish reproductive choice as the price of intimacy.

Read the rest here.

Cease And Desist

The Aurora has been closed until further notice due to an ongoing investigation regarding repeated potty mouthery and numerous violations of the Alien and Sedition Acts of 1798.

Eliot S.

Liberals Are Eliot's Untouchables

I couldn't believe my (long) ears when I heard that eliot less spitzer was targeting the criminal activities of a prominent radio station. 'Bout god damn time I say, but my relief was soon replaced with disgust upon learning eliot was not finally taking air america to task for robbing from an inner city youth program in the Bronx, but then I realized the word prominent would not exactly be best fitting for a failing entity such as air america. I covered this before, but to rehash my points on the air america scandal...it serves no good for eliot to intervene since...

a) liberal air america is a money loser, so therefore an unappealing shakedown victim

b) why bite the hand that feeds you, with all the free airtime aa provides the ag

This guy is a frickin bum. So youre telling me this guy is more concerned with some mid level exec getting a free laptop to play some crappy mariah carey single (relax rhino I know shes from longisland but she sucks) than an inner city youth program losing most of its funds (and funding) as the direct result of one of its directors illicit ties and loans to air america.

Once again there will be no convictions, or crimes proven to have been committed. He has no interest in justice, for justice doesnt pay the bills (or fund campaigns). He has already targeted the music labels of Sony and Warner and for his quest to avenge the little guy or the "indies" in the musical sense if you will, the state of New York's slush fund was compensated to the tune of fifteen million dollars, but alas no wrongdoings convicted. There is a rampant "play for pay" scandal running nanook, but it is the Office of The Attorney General of New York State that is guilty more than any. This guy should be in jail and yet looks likely to go where the real crooks are...Albany.

side note: Speaking of air america, for new readers I have to mention the time alfranken came running like a man on fire, or more accurately like a man about to shat himself into this pub in Hells Kitchen the Fly and I were boozing.. Needless to say this wasnt an establishment he would normally be welcomed. So being the fine academic and intellectual lads that we are, we decided to administer an arse whooping. Our plans were thwarted upon opening (aka kickin in) the restroom door and the airomatherapy was so atrocious it was like getting punched with a fecal fist in the face. His bullshit usually gets him in trouble but this time it saved him, as the smell was so unbearable even to two dirty shanty irish such as Fly and I we let him slide. I apologize for the visual vittles, just thought it was a funny story.

M.O.T.W. ;)

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Quote

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their consciences." C.S. Lewis

Any thoughts?

There's No Place Like Home?

Ok, you got a good U.S. lawyer we are under intense pressure from the world community and even from the traitors in our own country. We can't prove that you're a threat to us, so we're going to send you home. I'm sure you'll be glad to get away from the torturous conditions of "3 hots and a cot" pluse medical care of course your prayer mat. I'm sure you'll be glad to get back to your own little paradise that you call home. So you're free to go:

"You've been saying 'terrorists, terrorists.' If we return, whether we did something or not, there's no such things as human rights. We will be killed immediately," he said. "You know this very well."

But mr. guantanamo prisoner, you're from Syria, they sit on the Human Rights Commission at the great United Nations. Surely they will welcome you back with open arms.

"I can't go back to my country. I have been threatened to be killed by many people,"

Well lets ask the traitors, I mean what's the difference? They say you're being tortured here at Gitmo anyway?

"This policy of handing over prisoners to countries that the U.S. challenges on their human rights abuses is a sham and it opens the United States to charges of hypocrisy around the world," said Rep. Edward Markey, a Massachusetts Democrat who has sought passage of a bill that would ban the U.S. from sending prisoners to other countries to face torture.

Hmmmm....... this is an interesting development. Read the story here.

Pablo Sanchez Pays $4 For Water

Don Quixote believed in wind power, papa believed in solar. They didnt believe in oil. Good thing. They would have been hated. I dont hate many people (lie) iI just dont understand people that don't understand commerce. Oil is as bad as our consumption of milk, or wood, or kelp (ill point out the mlk reference) We are a nation of consumers, and maybe youre reading this and think it doesnt apply to you....it does. I pay attention and Im wasteful, we all have to do muy bueno. Conservation of our earth should have never become a poltical issue (reason #578 for 3rd part participation) but it has.

Our leaders have failed us time and time again, in every regard. I have friends that could run this country better, why do we settle for so little. Im 34 and have voted in every election that I was able, and I havent been right so far. Didnt vote for BushI, or Clinton, or Dubya. I vote. I believe in the process. We need a voice. A nigga voice or a cracka redneck voice. We need a liberal to shout and a conservative to scream. A gay to yell and a Christian to pray. We al have more in common than we think...and the sooner we do, the worse for THEM. Politics as usual. We cont to elect them so....isnt it our fault?

Name change

You may notice that i have changed my name from rhinoculous to rhino-itall. I think the reason is obvious to anyone who knows me. For those of you who don't, i started out thinking it was a ridiculous thing to have a blog. I realize now that i truly do know it all. My superior intellect can no longer be denied. I'm never wrong. I thought i was wrong once, but i was mistaken. Let the games begin.

Interesting Book Reco?

KEY WEST, Fla. -- That crunching noise George W. Bush and the Republicans hear is not ice in the White House bird feeder, where those of us taking in the sun here at the southernmost tip of America imagine ice must be. It may be the faint sound of the conservative coalition cracking at the edges. A few tiny cracks don't constitute a trend, of course, and strange and unexpected noises in the night aren't necessarily trends. Read the rest here.

Weekend Prediction

I'm going out on a limb here.

Every Sunday morning news program will do a piece on the Bush/Katrina video, and none of them will do a piece on the Saddam saying he had WMD video.

Just a guess of course, but i feel very confident. I also don't think we'll be seeing Georges Sada, even though he released his book this week. I could be wrong on this one, because he might be too big to ignore completely and could get a mention on a couple of these shows but i won't be surprised if we don't get anything at all.

Any other predictions?

Put Down the Phone

In our hysteria filled world of today, we are faced with many dilemmas and situations that affect us such as world hunger & war. We have current events that consume our lives such as Port Gate, Katrina, getting shot by our hunting buddies, and unfunny offensive cartoons. Issues that we need to address but they don't really affect us directly necessarily. Perhaps on some esoteric level they affect all of us but not directly (although unfunny cartoons affect us all as they are not funny). There is a sleeping danger that affects us all however, and I call it a sleeping danger because it mostly happens while we are enjoying our nightly recompense, and for some of us that happens after the nightly news or after Conan signs off for the night. This danger better identified as the "drunken dialer" usually strikes much later...after you are asleep. A drunken dialer takes on many different forms...usually they are friends and family, a secret admirer, or perhaps they are simply someone who got your name off a wall in some dark, dingy bathroom of a local dark & equally dingy bar. Recently, I received one of these calls from a fellow Auroran who shall remain nameless (Hee Haw Sam). For some unexplicable reason we answer these calls when shaken from a sound sleep. As it is, we might answer the drunken dialers' calls out of fear that some friend or family member is in some dire situation but really it is my opinion that we reach for the receiver out of some deep seeded masochistic tendency that should be addressed immediately. Regardless, the drunk dialer usually has some sort of earth shattering question that cannot be held, it needs to be asked. For instance, the aforementioned drunk dialer, who shall remain nameless, had such a query. They wanted to know the name of a Phish song and which album it appeared on...like I mentioned, drunk dialers only ponder the truly profound questions. I knew the album it appeared on, I knew the song number on the disc it appears on...but I did not know the name of the song. As it turns out, this was unacceptable to the drunken caller and now I was an idiot...a very astute observation as I was an idiot who had been sleeping 45 seconds earlier. Click. Fortunately the dialer is not known to hold grudges as they usually don't even remember placing the call in the first place and have been accustomed to saying things like, "I called you last night, dude...whoa, I must have been pretty torn up" to which it is customary to reply, "apparently". If you have been awakened by such calls or you are the type of person who makes said calls, there is good news for you. I have these guidelines laid out that should curb the caller:

For Drunk Dialers
1.) Buy one of those kiddie phones that says "Moo" or "Quack" when you hit the keys. Let's face it, if you wanted an answer, you wouldn't be making the call in the first place. You'd probably just go on the internet. Call the cow or the duck an idiot and hang up.
2.) Hide numbers to members of the opposite sex before you go out drinking. This will save you much embarrassment, torment, & guilt when you don't get "any". If you already have a significant other and you are away on business, do not make the phone call...this will only lead to a fight. It will be easier to explain in the morning why you didn't call then it will be to explain the morning after the call why there was voices in the background or why you said that some person at the bar was hitting on you all night.
3.) Tie your hands behind your back, slam the toilet seat on your head repeatedly, stuff socks in your mouth, or at the very least hide your phone before you go out..just don't make that call. Don't call unless you are dead or pinned under your car...in which case you couldn't call anyway but still, don't call. Jail is not an excuse...sleep it off, jails are more comfortable than you think and maybe you will get "some".

For the Victims
1.) Don't answer your phone if there are already infomercials on...
2.) Send out a notice to everyone you know alerting them of acceptable cellular & landline communication periods. This will not stop the calls but if they are dead or pinned under their car, it will alleviate your guilt. You can say,"But we sent out that notice, they should have known better and called someone else".
3.) Throw out all communication devices...this is the only true way to stop the drunk dialer.

For more information on this dreaded problem, view link in the title.

Is it a Sport?

I was having a discussion with some friends this morning about sports. The question came up, what is the requirement to qualify as a sport? One response was:

"Well, let’s figure it out. It’s got to be athletic and competitive. Not by score alone by judges, but by defeat of another athlete or team of athletes. Boxing is the only tricky one here because there can be a winner without a knockout and I consider that a sport. May be the exception to the rule. Whadda ya think?"

That's tricky, because what about that crazy ski jumping? How about snowboarding halfpipe? I don't know if i have the answer. I look at golf and think it's more of a game, but then again, you do need to have some athletic prowess.

I know we usually do politics here, and i might be the only one here who cares about this question, but if anyone out there has an opinion, lets hear it.

Freedoms

I saw something interesting today and i thought i would share it with the you.

What are the 5 freedoms guaranteed by the first amendment?

What are the names of the Simpsons family members?

If you could only name one of the freedoms and all five Simpsons, you're not alone. Apparently only 1 in 4 Americans can name more than 1 freedom. That number surprised me because i would think almost everyone could name Speech and Religion.
How many can you name? I gave you 2.
For the record i got 4.