At the time I had just moved into a new place and needed some new couches. Long story short after about four months I had bought two sets from two different stores and for various reasons neither were able to deliver. At wits end and still couchless I decided on a mom and pop store across the river in Joisey that had the exact Italian leather dual reclining set I wanted and as bonus I would save a few bucks on the sales tax.
Explaining my situation to the saleswoman I was assured that I would not be disappointed by the level of service at their store. So I placed my order, crossed my fingers and waited patiently at home on a metal milk crate.
Two weeks go by no couches.
Dont worry Im told they are en route. A month goes by no couches. Dont worry Im told they are en route.
Needless to say I was not a happy camper and had a stiff back to boot. The constant reassurance and the grandmotherly disposition of the saleswoman convinced me to hang in there, afterall I had waited this long, surely the couches were on their way.
Another week passes and Im about to lose my mind, good posture, and patience as well...so I get this woman on the horn one more time.
"Im sorry Mr Donkeyhue, but it seems your couches have been hijacked by pirates off the coast of Corsica"
You've got to be kidding me. Pirates?
Tell me anything, spin it any way you so want but do NOT fucking tell me that my furniture has been shanghaied...I just didn't buy it, and had to throw the bullshit flag. I really tore into this woman for the blatant lie she was telling me.
Pirates dont actually exist anymore. Do they?
Well as we all know now from the news, apparently they do ... so for doubting you, for taking my business elsewhere, but mostly I apologize for berating you. I dont really think you should go out to pasture and die like a fat sickly cow.
Im sorry baby I didn't mean to hurt you.
An old post I republish out of laziness everytime pirates are in the news.
14 comments:
Arrr shiver me timbers laddie, ye lust seat is in route to me tropical bungalow!
So did you ever get your furniture, Donk?
i remember this story well. I can still remember laughing about it when you said it was pirates. I do believe i suggested that you rip these people a new one. so let me throw my apologies in there as well
Im sorry ~jim i cant answer that. You will have to read my upcoming novel "The Donkey and the Barcolounger Buccanneers" to uncover the shocking ending to this sofa saga.
speaking of pirates, did you see where my best friend Mark Cuban tried to buy the Pittsburghers? He owes me millions!
I'm more of a pony pirate myself...but let's hear it for the industious nature of men. I mean, if you can't afford a barcolounger then swipe one on the high seas. Yo ho ho and a comfortable recliner. I didn't know that about Mark Cuban but I think it is pretty funny how he is dressing up for games now..."Fat guy in a little coat"...How come he owes you millions Jim?
Actually, Yahoo owes me millions, not him. He sold RealAudio to Yahoo right after he threatened to sue me and then Yahoo stole my shitz.
If you really want the url for it, I'll dig it out for ya.
Oh now I see said the blind man...You should have said, "are you threatening me...I am Cornholio and I need TP for my bung hole"...Sorry to hear such awful things about Mr.Maverick...I mean he has good looks, personality and what a classy guy. You would just expect a guy like that to be filthy rich...and I emphasize the word "filthy".
Great, Beavis has arrived to weigh in on the plight of poor donkey's stolen couches.
Just goes to show that buying furniture from a dark warehouse in Joisey-oops- I mean "mom and pop" store...is risky business. What we Long Island bitches do is call them so many times that they bring the furniture just to shut us up. Although Ethan Allen did shaft me by an end table delay of some sort. And once they had to refuse a chair they scotch guarded without my permission, on principle. Scotch guarding is just bad fabric protocol.
I had to refuse the chair. You know what I mean.
I waited six months for a fine italian leather sofa..bastages did not have a good excuse, they did not care enough to offer any..
But I did enjoy going into the store once a week and making alot of noise in front of prospective customers.
And another thing..wtf is up with the reprints dude? You do not care anymore? Your fingers are paralyzed or some crap?
I just did a reprint in your honor :P
I didn't take Dusty for a leather gal..
Please excuse my laziness. I wrote this months ago and with the recent news of pirates in the press I thought it would be a timely filler while I sober up from Friday.
Are you sober yet o wise one?
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